the cooldown period

a cooldown period away from each other allows both parties to really see the importance (or non-importance) to each other, so as to be able to reassess the r/s and see whether its gg anywhere and whether you can really do w/o the other party in your life.

yes i know i'm sounding like a pussy (commented by wormy) but i somehow wished i hadn't gone with her impulsive 'let's end it' after i expressed my concerns that i hadn't really enjoyed her company over the past few weeks. she was really upset by it as it's way hard for her as a nurse to get a weekend off (i'm normally busy on the weekdays).

i really should have understood then that she didn't really mean it, and if i were in her shoes, given all the efforts i had given to meet the bf, i would expect him to be more appreciative. but i couldn't. i didn't really want to back down and i wanted a talk about it instead of me being accused of being insensitive.

i should have insisted on a period to contemplate matters instead.

after all, it's no one's fault that for the past few dates she had been meeting me mostly after 12-hr shifts and i hadn't exactly gotten the conversation and interactions i normally expect for a typical date. i must admit i was really frustrated at times with the sterile atmosphere and sometimes i really wondered then.

yes, that's one of the main reasons i couldn't bring myself to refuse her intent. for me, i pondered over whether i could take this for the rest of my life, since she was passionate about her job and i was too for mine. i thought long and hard over whether i could bear the occasional (or maybe even regular) tiring date even after i sacrificed my work (have to work till 3am the day b4 and after e date)to meet her.

was i also willing to let my loved one sacrifice and put in effort for the rest of her life to secure weekend-offs so we could spend more quality time together? was it fair to her?

also, i thought long term - was the love we shared sufficient to last us through the trials and tribulations of married life? would it be good for both of us if one party went to work when the other came back and one party was really upset but had to go to sleep alone because the other party was at work?

and i'm not even yet discussing the part where the kids come in.

i know i'm not the very independent kind, and i can't possibly continue to satisfy my needs for conversation and human interaction by meeting friends on a regular basis like i do now. it would seem much less proper then (kid: mummy, daddy went to meet uncle/auntie for supper around midnight ytd!).

it's been only 1 week, and it seems like an eternity. her b-day's in 3 days after which she's gg on a short trip overseas. 'll have to arrange a meetup with her sometime soon; i think both of us need to talk.