the knee problems

the past 2 months has been a good sports period for me, having acquired a fixed weekly badminton grp and 2 fixed-timing weekly sessions for tennis. and that's not including the sessions w linky/ginny or the impromptu games w random pple.

however despite religiously wearing my kneeguards which slow down the acceleration considerably, the knee cartilage does wear out after repeated impacts on the ground. and to top it off, i weigh a fair bit hence the situation exacerbates.

so i've decided to continue on with my intermediate golf lessons (after getting my PC last mth) which will force me to stop the tennis/tanning sessions on sat morn. which will allow me to socialise with john and new pple and reduce one weekly source of knee-destroying.

knee replacement surgery is out of consideration for now cos it's not THAT bad yet and the success rate's not total, furthermore i would have to walk in crutches for a mth and no sports for at least 3 mths. that, for me, would define a life with no leisure and fun.

maybe i'll go for knee cartilage injection surgery at TTSH. 6mths of relief and the prevention of long-term / old-age injuries. a few hundred bucks a pop but haha i think i can well afford it. i spend like.. 50bucks a mth on glucosamine/chondroitin/msm tablets anyways.

(most) guys are evil

today i was having supper with the bestie. and heard that his most desired affair hadn't been gg v well, even tho it was initially very positive physically and emotionally wise. apparently the girl (who has a bf) suddenly got a conscience, and the very manipulative attempts at coercing and convincing hasn't been gg v well.

amused cos it was his first evident failure in yrs (now he's attempting to impress upon the girl that he values her just as a close friend but yet acting subtly that he can't help but do extra), i nonetheless spoke up in admiration of the girl. dun have to worry abt hurting his feelings since he knows i always say what i feel haha.

so the girl's told my friend that she really thinks he's the ideal lover but she still wants to talk it over and work it out with her bf who's always busy with work and doesn't really satisfy her emotional needs. and wants to remain just close friends with him for the moment and nothing more .

she replies and responds readily to any non-emotional sms or conversation starter and not at all to emotional ones. (e.g of emotional sms: hey missing u; can't help but think of you; really wish i was there with you now, "insert common phrase that all guys use")

i think all girls should be like her. and it's not, btw. i have sufficient guy friends who tell me stories and it seems girls open themselves up to possible emotional cheating by actually responding or even gg out casually and allowing the evil guys a chance to subtly play upon the doubts they have abt their current r/s and how they would supposedly "give you the love and attention you really deserve".

guys are basically manipulative, i feel. the only guys who aren't are those who simply doesn't know how to or doesn't dare to. for me it's the strong personal code of conduct (the new guy friends always laugh at this even when i honestly feel that way, cos i talk a fair bit of rubbish) and a deep belief that karma happens back at you so i dun recall doing ath against my moral values.

therefore i dun believe in other guys wanting to know a girl (out of nowhere) to be simply friends. no doubt he wants more than just being a friend, esp if he looks decent enough to alr have a respectable amt of friends of both sexes.

yes, i know those cases do occur. but it's either because the guy just wants someone to make use of, spend time with or it could be that the girl is of different race or simply aesthetically undesirable.

the last part is especially true for ALL guys but no self-respecting one would readily admit to that. i lie about it too of course. haha! dun tell me u never suspected guys were like that.

and yes, i know that some of those guys actually turn out to be decent friends who no longer try to be touchy or send long smses or ask you about your day as much - or essentially dun hit on you anymore and are generally.. friends.

but that's just cos they gave up as they din seem to be getting anywhere with you or is busy with some other girl (it's his hectic work schedule, he tells you when you ask why he seems more distant and unavailable) currently.

so basically to prevent emotional cheating on the part of the girl: give those guys a chance to be friends but not respond to their emotional smses or offers to individual meetups (unless they're proven harmless) nor share too much of the melancholy part of your r/s - all these gives them evident openings to leverage from unless you're one seasoned veteran yourself.

instead gush (not too much of course) abt how happy u are with the bf - afterall if he truly wants to be ur friend he must want to hear how happy you are and want to know more. that's really the tell-tale sign. guys who want more than friendship show visible discomfort and awkwardness at the mere mention of the girls' other half.

and it may seem like i'm blowing my own trumpet but i think i'm one of the few i know who simply enjoys the process of a genuine, trusting, sharing conversation and nice meal - nothing more than that. maybe i just wasn't cut out to be more than that.

maybe it's cos i'm happily attached now or that i'm just simple-minded haha.

i'm back!

hello i'm back from a long hiatus! yess i know i should update more frequently but the opportunity cost really got alot higher after hols started. afterall, would you rather blog than go out w the gf/friends, tennis/badminton or simply basking in the world of Xbox360? ha!

hmm ok shall update on the entire prev week. since i'm here anyways and don't know when i'll be back again. i've this this habit of writing down the events (and the pple they entail) in my monthly schedule so i remember quite well heh.

sunday: went to meet 2 tampines pple in my journey to the east. first jud to pass her a spare cam memory card b4 she flew the next day, then glad for dinner at cityhall and some decent jazz performance (free! she said) at the esplanade. it was really a horrible mrt day - lakeside to tampines, tampines to cityhall, cityhall to tampines and then back to lakeside.

monday: hmm i played DragonAge:Origins (best fantasy RPG ever! i always tell my friends) till like 7am then went to sleep, waking up a good 10hrs later to rush to holl vill to meet angel (haaaa late again!). as a sidenote, i really quite like thai express - the tomyam soup, the grilled seafood platter and the soft-shelled crab.

tuesday: k-box with the guys (like finally, a grp outing w them). as usual i was happily singing oldies (eng and chinese) that nearly everyone din hear b4. and oh.. christmas songs! then tennis w new pple (intro-ed by alan) - they din go for proper coaching but been playing for ard 5 yrs, and were really quite a decent challenge. new, skilled tennis/badminton kakis are always welcome :)

wed: date with the beloved gf. checked out the art galleries at mt sophia whilst trying out my new Lumix-ZS3. my 1st compact point-and-shoot cam! then celebrated her sublime uni results at tao's (fine-dining for the typical student). then watched couples retreat at the cathay.

loved the movie alot! even tho the gf din appear to be amused by certain crude words and gestures as well as the occasional sexual / pop culture reference. thought it was the funniest show i watched this entire 2009 (quite on par w the hangover). yes yes gf i know u think the proposal is the best.

thurs: badminton with bert, gary and junli. it was a really good 2hrs doubles game, albeit it wasn't really as tiring as usual. likely cos bert was really quite outstanding at covering the backcourt and forcing errors alot. as usual i got him to 'fang shui' - so the opponents'd think it's a good, even match and continue joining next time. v hard to find pple ard my mid-level standard la! same for tennis also haha.

fri: shopping at queensway w linky. one of the few (ok, two) guys who can stand my shopping.went an hr earlier to check out the models and prices so it's not too unbearable for him. got my apac badminton shoes (w power cushioning) which supposedly has the same functions as the yonex (overpriced!) ones but was 3 times cheaper at 55bucks.

OH btw i did a taste test on the laksa and chicken curry of the seemingly 2 identical stalls selling both in queensway. and it was obvious that each one specialised in one dish. for best laksa: the newer stall with the orange tables. for best chicken curry: the one with brown tables.

sat (finishing!): tennis with rick, jerry, linky and 2 other working adults. great game, those new kakis offered. then the gf for storm warriors 2 at cwp.

worst movie of the century! haaaaaa. ok almost. esp considering i left my brain outside the theatre and tried not to have too high an expectation given the decent prequel. i din like the weak story development and the convenient loopholes in it. the subpar CGI at times was annoying too.

ok i'm tired! i'm sure you must be too :)

the triple As

one of the modules i take in NIE's professional communication, and the graded tasks include an oral presentation on topics teachers face (like briefing overseas scholars on life and work in SG, announcements to the sch, etc), a podcast (on colloquial english and ur views on it) as well as e-mails to superiors as well as class participation.

so today was the last day of lessons, and the podcast pairs were called one-by-one to get their grades for all save the e-mail assignment. well, i only rehearsed twice to myself for the OP, the podcast was a do once and submit effort (most other friends submitted after about 5 attempts), completed the written e-mail in 10mins when others handed in at the alloted time of 30mins, and my attempts at class participation were open attacks of sarcasm at the lecturer or snide comments (puns and 'ahem' references) to my friends so loud that half the class of 30 could hear.

obviously i din pay much heed to the module. afterall, i do believe that written (grammar, expression) and spoken ability stops developing much after 12 - recall reading an article on that. and ok la, i was quite confident it'll be a breeze and i always have a heck-care attitude towards sch ahhaha (bad teacher!).

so hmm, i got As for all the above, esp surprising for the class participation bit. think the angmoh guy found me v vocal for an asian and surprisingly amusing. they have a different sense of humour i guess. i dun know my grade for the e-mail assignment but i'm quite sure from my subpar efforts for the other assignments (which i A-ed) that i should get an A for it too. heh!

jue

today i was tired and bored in the lib with my phy/chem NIE friends. and was scrolling through my ginormous msn list (mostly from hall pple). and then i proceeded to do the rightclick, delete contact, enter on about 20 of them. ok at this point i think my bro (or some other pple) will think: delete for what! just keep there la. wun die one right.

i just dun want to be reminded tt the young, naive me actually invested time and sincere effort to know these pple whom i now barely talk to and who barely care to contact me and whom both parties barely have any interest in talking to each other. yes, it doesn't hurt to keep them, but i dun want to.

i'm quite jue in most aspects i guess. even as i may appear harmless, friendly and a nice little pushover. when i decide that someone isn't putting in half the effort i am to maintain the f/s, i enter into a state of mind that it's likely to happen in the future and i mentally delete the person from my mind. but of course there are exceptions la. hahah.

so kaypoh

today i was happily reading the guy's blog (again) and it's not been gg v well for him. i dun want to be so nasty as to say i alr saw it coming (likely he did too) but yeah, there're tell-tale signs for every of these cases and i think i'm one of the few who would know better ba hahaha.

i always like to acquire pple's experiences and derive lessons learnt from them. in this case i would have to say the lesson's not to take the other party for granted - resentment builds up to a tipping point eventually . just like one of my favorite mantras in life: prevention is better than cure. which i learnt through many painful experiences (not all r/s based la! knee also).

the touch

today i chanced upon a blog written by a guy (whom i can't say i know very well) and it really did touch me how he expressed his love for his gf (hopefully so). it wasn't exactly the type of flowery english, heck, it wasn't even proper english. and coming from a language snob like me, i have to say it's quite amazing his words affected me so.

i always pride myself at being able to decently read the feelings and hidden nuances in words, spoken or written, and i sensed no form of deceit or manipulation in them. only sincerity, regret and may i say, true love. yes, i would have been easily able to produce something seemingly more effective in half the time he took to write whichever entry, but it would definitely lack the impact his had to his significant other.

the feelings do count in writing. and that's why i seize any opportunity which brings out the writer in me, such as i can enjoy the flow of translating my inner thoughts directly into the spoken word. of which i have yet to really grasp. but then again, how many can truly master this? very few, i should say. (direct spoken to written translation doesn't count)

ohwells i do wish that guy all the best. everyone is entitled to their own opinion and i have mine, definitely, about how i expect it to turn out. human nature. even if others doesn't vocalise/act out their thoughts, doesn't mean they dun think it silently themselves. but then again if everyone were uninhibited in their expression, it would be quite a chaotic situation indeed.

where are the nice guys

trigger: the supper buddy who always seems to be constantly involved with other parties even tho he keeps insisting "i love my gf v much and i think she's the best for me".

this particular friend of mine who indulges in weekly clubbing (waste of $ and low yield-time ratio i feel) argues that one gets bored w the current gf after a matter of time, and says tt unless she is outstanding in comparison with the ones the guy meets, is there for the guy most of the time and is really caring/understanding etc, things are bound to happen.

i wouldn't say i agree with him, but i would say that with the exception of TWO guys amongst all that i know well (and it's quite considerable i must say, given that most trust me and i elicit the worst out of them), the rest have harboured thoughts (or have alr engaged in) betrayal of some sort.

physical betrayal i can't condone (why can't you just do yourself? faster, more convenient and likely better, i comment to them w a wink and smile) but emotional betrayal, it's subtle as in most guys don't even know they're engaging in it or rather pretend that they're not, instead choosing to say "but she's just a friend!". then again that could be true too. for it's but a thin line btw the two.

happened to read this article from a link when checking my hotmail:

http://lifestyle.sg.msn.com/relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=3645897

think it summarises emotional betrayal v succinctly.

so normally i ask: do you: 1. share your thoughts, feelings, and problems with your friend instead of your partner? 2. give them personal gifts without an occassion? 3. get annoyed with your partner because it seems like your "friend" understands you better? 4. keep your friendship a secret from your partner?

and most of those attached friends of mine, without any further commenting on my part, answers the 1st 3 qns positively then sheepishly try to justify themselves on the last qn by stating that "but i told my gf abt the girl before!" then after a silent pause "ok la, not entirely". terrible right.

oh but then there's a silver lining to every undesirable situation. the above, of course will never happen in many cases, such as the readers' (you). but due to me being bored, i have happily classified those non-applicable scenarios nicely as belows:

1. "honeymoon" the relationship is less than 3mths old and both of you are still in la-la land.

2. "bored and alone" both of you dun meet up proper for more than once a week (busyness not really an excuse - SG so small cannot even meet for a meal meh). which helps to extend the la-la land period but which eventually gives the guy (and maybe the girl) free time for others to enter. no pun intended.

3. "the outstanding gf" pretty, caring, understanding, sweet yet knows how to rein him in subtlely such that the bf never really takes the girl for granted nor feels she's manipulative.

4. "the herd" with regards to no.3, maturity on the part of the guy's friends: to know and constantly remind him that once he engages in deviant behaviour, he is likely to lose his wonderful/irreplaceable gf.

5. "i'm a loser" the bf has such low self-esteem that he feels you're the queen of his world and will do ath to keep you (and nth that will repulse you).

6. "i'm not a loser, but everyone thinks i am" the bf is so hopelessly unattractive (horrible looks, poor qualities, lack of social skills that even if he wanted to stray, it'll likely be in his own room).

7. "alpha male" other than work, his hobbies involve gaming, TV-ing, soccer or other male-sports. and he's lazy to know new pple in general.

hmm i'm sure there's more and i'm sure that maybe it's just my male social circle and i'm sure there're more guys out there who are wonderful/nice and i'm sure that your bf (if you're female and attached) is one great guy so dun go bashing me and my Humble views here. hehhh.

obviously i dun have a v high opinion of guys in general (generally childish, insensitive, superficial and horny even tho their female frens/gfs dun know) and i have alot of fun talking abt it with fellow guys (and some cognizant girls) and revelling in the sharing process.

me? hmm my personal mantra regarding this and whom i always like to say: never do ath which would cause you to lose sleep at night. and also: the grass will always/eventually seem greener on the other side, but stay where you are as long as the grass u're on is sufficiently green. yupp.

working weekend

due to overplaying the past weekend and the deluge of deadlines to meet for the next 2 weeks, i have imposed a stay-home-do-work weekend this week. with the exception of the evening family bowling session and golfing lessons/test tml morn too. heh.

ohwells time to get some work gg. no more playing of games (actually it's just farmville and winning eleven now haha) for the next 2 days and the regular manga comes out every fri so i guess it's just the soccernet/goal.com updates and the newspapers that'll take me away from work. oh and of course the occasional 'compulsory' activity.

like working out at home (sat) and swim after golf (sun). haha.

bowling

due to busyness with work (and gg out with the gf), i haven't had my weekly bowling session with the dad for a while.

one fine day recently (when i was less busy), i passed by his rm and saw him watching the korean drama dvds my mum had acquired lately, looking like a total couch potato.

'eh dee dun be like mummy nth to do, whole day watch korean drama. go bowling la!" no la, he doesn't watch alot of TV normally, often preferring to spend time on photography/videography/aircraft modelling. more constructive, these. haha.

so we went bowling, both of us haven't played for almost a mth or so. surprisingly, the scores were quite decent, with me getting a 180 average and the dad a 195.

during the last game, i racked up a very respectable 129 score at the midway point and was quite sure i'd break the 200 mark easily, but yet i was under no illusion anytime that i would win the game. i mean, just look below. no chance la!

if one wishes to know me better, i should say, watching me bowl will allow for discovery about my true inner personality. i think it's the one sport that really elicits a range of emotions within me and causes me to display them openly. at least my parents and bro never fail to look amused. hahaha.

i'm thinking of entering a small tournament organised by the local CC on Nov 15. think every one of them allows one the exhilaration of playing under pressure conditions as well as bring out the competitiveness within me. i know i'm nowhere near national team standards but i believe i'm decent enough to not throw face in any competitions. i think. heh.

jumpiness

i realise i'm a v jumpy person. not that i do evil things such that i'm easily startled la (albeit i say alot of evil things), but its one trait i've always had since young. and esp when i'm in deep thought and prolonged focus.

had just bathed after a workout at night, and one ear had earphones plugged into the laptop whilst i did work on it in air-conditioned comfort. was happily belting out 'nothing's gg to change my lurrve for youuuu' when i noticed something in the vicinity. then turned ard to see the bert, hamster in hand.

i positively jumped in my seat, shouting 'wtf hamster!'

ah hell, next time i should just keep my door fully closed or plug music into both ears. now i feel like an emasculated man.

busyness

ok i decided to do a quick post to remind my readers that i'm not out of business yet. actually i figure that when i don't post, it's actually a good thing cos i only like to blog when i'm feeling emo. but hor, the gf will complain if i don't. so here i am.

i've been v busy the past 2 weeks with assignments/presentations/e-learning, hence explaining my disappearance. and oh touching on the topic of busyness, when pple tell me they're busy, i wonder what their busyness entails.

for me, honestly, i'm rarely BUSY - i don't spend every waking minute doing work and have little time even for proper rest, or have to eat on the go. sometimes i feel pple include the time they spend on gg out with friends, having long lunches/chats, msn-ing/talking on the phone randomly, watching tv or indulging in physical gratification as part of their so-called BUSY time.

obviously if you do the above you will have less time for work. and if you still complain that ur workload is oh so heavy, you deserve to be slapped, i feel. heh! seriously, unless you're a perfectionist or a 1st/2nd-upper class hons student, school/NIE/work shouldn't be BUSY all the time la.

that's why i get upset when certain pple dance ard my attempts to ask them out for a meal using that damn word. and i'm quite amused that i actually got subtly rebuffed so many times by a particular person D from hall whom i used to be close to. normally i view most friends as dispensable so it was surprising i kept persisting haha.

ok enough of the whining.

b-day cards

someone said that i should update my blog so here i am. and i'm finally done with the 2 individual assignments! been working so hard on it as compared to my usual slack self haha. my mum even commented after i spent an entire weekend infront of my desk: i haven't seen you so guai and hardworking for how long alr!

imagine taking 5.5 modules in NUS, all of them CA (continual assessment) based. sometimes i barely manage to catch up with the lessons. but i guess it's still better than FYP. that one hor, really pointless i feel. yes yes i know u get more pay and have better career prospects but in my line of work the extra yr's really quite useless. and i abhor lab work anyways.

let's talk about my b-day (which is damn long ago)! hmm i received quite a few cards, of which some were really well-written and touching. i'm a fan of words (infact i'm quite particular abt the written word) and being able to read stuff which is insightful and shows understanding of oneself, really makes me feel loved. of course i loved the gifts too. and the meal treats (sangi, linky).

ok i've just eaten so i can't exactly go jog now. shall write mundane stuff (analysing the cards!) until 20 mins later when i shall leave for a spot of exercise.

the above card was from my dear (0ld) flaggers. a v typical one, with some traces of unfamiliarity (random greetings from those i'm not so close to) and insightful comments from a certain few. eh kns lor, more than half of them addressed me as 'himbo' in their greetings. your fault, dilys. i'm like, how intelligent and mature can! hahahaa.

next is the tiny playing cards-esque b-day greetings from lalaa. budget issit! coin included to give idea of the scale. you know, i do agree with alot of things u said in the card. but i guess it can't be helped la. go with the flow and see ba!

next up, my dear friend of 3 years charm! a very annoying card indeed. i stopped reading it on the train cos i felt it made me look stupid rotating it ACW constantly. a cute card with cute handwriting from a friend who's always been there and willing to listen/share.

from another dear friend of mine whom i really appreciate for keeping me in check and giving me a different perspective (we're totally different) of issues at time. the card hor, the best la, i told her. where got pple tear off a page from A4 scrapbook and not cut off the edges one! she assured me she does it to all her friends. good job glad, you have the honour of being the friend with the messiest handwriting (and the wordiest smses and mails). not hair too now, at least.

no prizes for guessing who made this. i've always been one for the content and not so appearance but this.. giant collage (do u call it that) really stunned me when i saw it. the effort that went into it is simply unimaginable. it's something the non-artistic me can never do. for the small little plates with words, i later realised that it's not randomly placed, but actually constitutes meaning.

hmm and to think we were still friends (2mths?) when you gave me this. not that u din suspect i would pop the question that very day la. i expect something more gigantic in the future now that we're on a different level now! hehhh. it'll be hard to do smth way better than this la. but u can try :)

thanks everybody!

annoyance

yes yes i know i should be blogging about my b-day but i've really been damn busy with NIE this week (6hr to a 20hr week suddenly).

what's more there's this stupid e-learning rubbish where i have to post insightful comments on discussion forums which are supplemented by actual sources and references.

and i've been seeing this word alot: DATELINE. in referring to the last day or latest time to hand in a specific assignment or inputs for a project.

i'm v annoyed by pple who keep using a word despite not knowing what it means. for those not in the know, dateline means: a line giving the place of origin and usually the date of a news dispatch or the like.

IT'S DEADLINE, DUDES! sigh.

wishlist!

my birthday is coming and I have compiled a list of what I want (obviously I dun need them haha).

8gb/16gb thumbdrive for easy music transfer thru friends’ laptops. 200-300gb capacity portable hard drive to store my photos, as well as siphoning ALL their movies and ahem.

the above will be kindly subsidized by MOE’s Learning Development Scheme, which gives us $400 per yr to enter courses, boost productivity and various categories. I shall claim these items under Improving Personal Productivity. heh. then use the remainder to buy an expensive and impressive wireless mouse.

a point and shoot camera is on the way too but the one I’m eyeing isn’t out yet. So shall wait for it. And maybe claim it under the MOE scheme next year.

i want to get nice shorts to play tennis/badminton in. have seen some suitable adidas ones at Queensway – will get them after fixing up my grip with linky.

shoes wise it’ll have to be puma (maybe more brown-based)– it’s one of the few brands tt my flat feet feel comfortable in. and it has a nice mix of sportiness and contemporariness (is there such a word). And also a pair of smart casual shoes (pref black/white) from pedro.

hmm and I also need a nice battery-operated table clock which shows the time in digital format, the date/year as well as the temperature. saw one at JP the other day.

and below are stuff which I’m thinking of getting soon too.

ADIDAS X-SERIES POLO

HTTP://PID.ADIDAS.COM/CATALOGUE/SG/PRODUCT/P09285/ADIDAS-X-SERIES-POLO

CLIMA365 BURNOUT TEE

HTTP://PID.ADIDAS.COM/CATALOGUE/SG/PRODUCT/E82183/CLIMA365-BURNOUT-TEE

CLIMA365 SLEEVELESS TEE

HTTP://PID.ADIDAS.COM/CATALOGUE/SG/PRODUCT/E82206/CLIMA365-SLEEVELESS-TEE

adidas Men's RPM ClimaCool Hat (black)

http://www.tennis-warehouse.com/descpageMAADIDAS-AMRPMCC.html

Babolat Pro Tour Overgrips (white)

http://www.tennis-warehouse.com/viewlarge.html?PCODE=BPTROG&large=BK

Wilson Pro Overgrip Perforated (white)

http://www.tennis-warehouse.com/viewlarge.html?PCODE=PROGP&large=GN

Gamma Shockbuster Vibration Dampener(white)

http://www.tennis-warehouse.com/descpageACGAMMA-SB.html

ah. ok time to finish my breakfast and rush to NUS for tennis.

sometimes when we touch

You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
In what you say or do
I'm only just beginning
To see the real you

(CHORUS)

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I want to hold you till I die
Till we both break down and cry
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through all the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
Im just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

(CHORUS)

At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly
At times I understand you
And I know how hard you try
I watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by
At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again

(CHORUS)

for some reason i'm v attached to this song - it's my most-played ever. applicable to many points in my life, i guess.

1st b-day celebration

after waking at 1630 cos slept at 0730 the same day, i set off to meet the old (sorry! need a convenient classification) flaggers for dinner at vivo.

little did i expect them to celebrate our (mingjun and I) b-day cos we haven't exactly been celebrating every b-day and it was quite some time from mine. but i did find it kinda weird when our tables were cleared and the waiters were looking at us conspiratorially and angel occasionally whispered to them.

and there came the cake! i was really damn happy can. haven't had a grp of pple singing happy b-day for me since dunno when. rmbr it was a marathon of individual meetups for my b-day celebrations last yr.

and 2007 was a surprise celebration by the same pple in my hall rm (they sneaked inside whilst i was at the toilet). then in 2006 was the block pple at the rooftop and a certain someone.

eh i really like those pple la. grp wise they're like nearly on par with my physics gang and just behind the sec sch pple. everyone has their own little individual quirks and personalities and it all comes together as a unique and cohesive whole.

i'm glad thye heng kinda coerced me to join flag 2 yrs back as an official member despite me just wanting to be an honorary one. and that led to me being an advisor for the coming flag team and knowing certain wonderful pple.

thanks dil for organising the meetup. i really feel damn loved la.

the emphatic victory

after rushing back from queensway from shopping w linky (yay new sportshoes and racket dampeners!) and with chicken wings from IKEA, i happily settled down to watch the man utd vs wigan match.

an unconvincing opening matchday win at Birmingham and a horrendous loss to Burnley their previous match did little to justify the statement from SAF that the loss of CR7 and Tevez would be made up for with higher workload from the existing players and the addition of Owen and Valencia.

the pundits (and me) put it down to lack of confidence after the loss of such big players and ManUtd's traditional slow start to the season. no worries, some hardcore fans said, but i had my doubts abt them regaining the title this time rd.

5th min: settled down after bathing, chicken wings in tow.

15th min: all 5 IKEA wings eaten up :)

16th min: wishing i'd bought more food

17th min: settled for a nice ribena drink cos i'm on a diet.

a tame (quite boring) first half with several half-chances on either side transpired, and i spent the 15min half-time interval doing up the overgrip on my spare racket as well as fixing up the dampeners. it's gonna be a dreary draw and they're gonna fall further behind in the title race, i sadly thought to myself. i was wrong.

56th min: GOAL! 1-0 to man utd. rooney headed into the top left corner from a nani corner. quite amazing considering he's only 1.75m and ManUtd are known for their pathetic (i feel) conversion rate from corners. but a slender lead's hard to protect, i thought.

58th min: GOAL! after a quick one-two with rooney outside the box, berbatov utilised his marvellous 1st touch, first lobbing Kirkland (keeper) then poking the ball into the empty net. nice! 2-0's a good scoreline, and they seem hungry for more.

65th min: GOAL! rooney received the ball inside the box (left) from berbatov, then proceeded for a shot on goal, scoring from a deflection off Melchiot whilst Kirkland stood rooted on the spot. so glad i'm watching this match - good stuff!

85th min: GOAL! Substitute Owen latched on to a through pass by Nani and shot with his weaker left foot, placing the ball off the right crossbar and into the net. marvellous effort by the injury-plagued england international which many deemed a has-been. really felt for him at this point; it's gg to go a long way in proving his critics wrong.

90th min: GOAL! i was alr v happy abt a 4-0 victory but this was the icing on the cake. after being awarded a free kick a long distance away from the goal, Nani readied himself to take it. ridiculous, i thought, you think u're CR7? and he shot. the ball sailed over the wall and curled away from the rooted (again!) keeper into the bottom left corner. WTF! i exclaimed.

having buried 3 ghosts (tt berbatov's workrate's lousy, owen can't score and there's no-one else to score from free-kicks), it was definitely a wonderful night for ManUtd and their legions of fans out there. happily, i warmed up my wonton noodles, ready for a good eat-read session b4 sleeping.

i know. shall work out later and go for a swim b4 ECP tml.

monetary issues

out of curiosity, i accessed my online bank account and pulled info from it to tabulate on an excel spreadsheet. and i was flabbergasted.

yes i know i've been a spendthrift the past 2 mths since getting my pay, as well as having to pay for my annual supply of contacts, a carpet, new chair and a new HP. but this was too much to believe.

it was almost a damn 80% of my pay! and as of this mth i'm alr at ard 1.2k. damnit. i really need to wake up my idea and start saving for my future. the taxi rides need to stop. the random meals at nice places need to stop. the furniture and book buying need to stop. the coaching needs to stop for awhile too.

i'm not exactly broke but at this rate of savings accumulation i'm not gg to be financially safe anytime soon. and even the word safe is relative. i'm afraid.

my plan is to draw 1k at the start of every mth, then budget myself at $200 a week, the excess $200 being for emergency reasons and placed in a compartment in my drawer - which hopefully will have more than $200 after a few mths.

first i need to start TRYING to spend as little as possible, even to the extent of scrimping. just to get the hang of spending less $. you can do it liangwei. you have to. you must.

sports days

did swimming with the cous last week at SAFRA jurong. despite 12 yrs of not having swum with him (took lessons with him all thru pri sch and NVR was close to beating him despite him just being one yr older), i fully expected to beat him in my our 50m freestyle battle. afterall my technique's q polished as compared to before, whilst he hasn't been swimming much since then.

well i was quite wrong. typically i like to stay on par with the opponent till ard 25m, then pull away after that. so i was quite surprised when i had to push myself to nearly my limits just to keep up initially. he so fast one meh! i thought.

ok maybe the fact that i kept peeking at my left to check for his progress instead of just swimming properly hindered me but the fact remains that i'm not really tt much better, even if so.

ok it ended with him stopping abt 10m away from the endpt in fatigue and me stopping similarly when i saw it, so there was no outcome. either way, i lose, i feel. hahaha. but it's ok - i'm far from being the competitive person i was long ago.

next was peilee and the badminton session. having totally outshone me in our 5 on 5 match at the local basketball court (i'm horrible at b-ball and she's what, sch team?), i thought that it'd be a good way to salvage some pride, but no, for some reason she was doing alot better than the last time we played and i would have gotten skinned if i hadn't played abit more seriously. sigh.

hmm for some reason, just like i admire pple who can do sports at a high level or are simply gifted with athleticism, i can't but not have alot of respect for pple who simply doesn't care or aren't good in that area. well, it's just me i guess. everyone is entitled to his/her little quirks.

missing someone

i kinda miss having her ard to irritate me.

3 more days of boredom (quite). come back soon.

greedy

i think i'm getting fat la. had the double fillet + shaker fries upsized meal 3 nights in a row for supper. love the damn shaker fries la!

even requested for extra seasoning to sprinkle on my fillet. how unhealthy can. hahaha.

i better go for a good workout/swim or a tennis session soon. lest i cannot fit into all my clothes. and oh i'm getting fair. shall tan and swim tml after lessons! :)

overcompensating

J commented during supper tt i gave her the impression i was over-confident and arrogant. very bluntly. from her 1st impression, and esp after reading my blog posts. (said pris: u gave her the blog add b4 she knew u well right?)

but i really appreciated that frank comment. it caused me to ponder, made me contemplate my actions, the conversations and mannerisms. esp towards the pple whom i've known lately, over the past few yrs.

on a long (self-imposed, cos i always like to emo outside) walk home, the thoughts ran thru my mind. rapidly in a jumble, then it came to a slow halt, becoming sufficiently organised as to be analysed and understood.

i guess i was v affected cos i felt misunderstood. it's the other way round, in fact. i wasn't joking when i commented to her abt my shyness, quietness, and my inferiority complex. it's just that i decided to focus more on my strengths (what little of it) and less on my weaknesses in the process of improving myself.

and felt that there was no pt showing others my weak and insecure side. it's not that they can help me, anyways, and everyone wants to be with a positive, fun person.

i was really sick of being self-pitying yrs ago - knew i wasn't not talented in anything in particular.. but it's not as if i din try to be the best i could be in some areas.

at the very least, i should be proud of myself for.. simply trying. perservering despite my limitations and other's disparaging comments.

i tried to appear confident despite my inner insecurities.

and i overcompensated. she did well in reminding me of that fact.

getting paid $120/hr

NIE starts this week, and i've heard from my mentors and senior teachers that it'll be the happiest period in one's life b4 entering the workforce proper. mostly due to the fact that the timetable's damn slack and the grades dun seriously matter in one's posting or career progression (unless u fail, of cos). somemore u get paid! like close to 3k :)

basically for the next 10 mths, it'll be 3 mths of theory stuff at NIE, 6 weeks of hols (woohoo!), 9 weeks of practicum (where i'll be assessed) at a random sch, then roughly 3 more weeks of theory in NIE.

oh and for an idea of how slack i'm gonna be for the next 3 mths.. above is my timetable. starts at 0830 and ends at 1930 btw. mum mentioned that it seems pretty packed considering how smug i was, and furthermore i have to study in my free time.

however, as i'm exempted from content upgrading (having done well in my teaching subjects), i dun have to go for the lessons. so effectively for this mth, the pink and yellow slots are non-existent. so that leaves monday free and 2hrs each from tue-fri. but wait! fri's lessons only start in sep. so i have another free day on fri! like how slack can.

resuming weekly tennis/bowling lessons, starting on guitar tml and entering random stuff organised by my new fave organisation to learn things and know new pple. ask me out, anyone.

fleety

linky was commenting that my blog entries were v emo, touching on f/s and r/s and such. and i retorted that i thought they were mostly happy entries describing my daily events and happenings, but that my friendster blog (from a few yrs back) does show up my v vulnerable side tho.

anyways i passed that blog add to belle cos i wanted to continue to talk abt her here w/o fear of reprisal (haha!). she actually read everything la. but i guess i'll be giving her this actual one soon so i shall have to refrain from bitching too much here. or maybe i shall. and simply edit/delete the incriminating posts then. hahaha.

hmm so far it's gg good.. but i'm of the opinion that one shouldn't allow feelings to overrule the rational side until after the 5th date (it's later, btw). afterall, u've got to see whether the personality and qualities she has are what u're looking for, and it's impt to judge objectively at times, esp given tt it's likely a long term thing this time.

of cos it doesn't necessarily guarantee success, just a higher chance of it occuring, but allowing feelings to just dictate the flow is too capricious an act i feel. no longer young le, cannot waste time testing and hoping for the best.

anyways i'm seriously considering joining SDU activities, of which they've been sending me notifications of events given that i'm a member (auto, cos graduate le). the courses are heavily subsidised and the one day events (road race, eating marathons, photography workshop) seem really fun and enriching.

another reason is tt i need new friends. too many friends are getting attached and leaving me less time. and some seemingly stayer-friends are also drifting away, slowly but surely. it's a sad thing. new activity partners would be great too, so i dun have to depend on the same few pple for certain stuff.

i'm sure it's not tt hard to find pple out there with the same vibe as me.

emcee, treasurer and the picnic

the day before sat's BGM for my grassroots thingy, i was asked to emcee the event. 'it's scripted!' the chairman assured me. and i accepted, unable to think of a reason to turn the offer down.

and i have to say it's abit like teaching, esp the part where u have to take in the response of the audience and react accordingly. except that the audience is more numerous, and the guests of higher social importance - Lim BH and the local grassroots leaders really did unnerve me abit.

but it was a new experience. and exactly what i was hoping for when i chose to engage in the local grassroots committee. later on, during the comm elections, i was expecting to be proposed, seconded and elected as one of the comm heads/vices, as i felt i had displayed enough enthusiasm and potential (they dun know me too well yet) in the past 3 mths, despite me being the newest member in the 24man team.

and so i was fairly surprised when my name came out immediately when the treasurer post was contested. the normal progression's that of a comm head/vice, then a treasurer/vice-chair/hon-gen, followed by the chair. guess i skipped one rung up the hierarchy. hehh. obviously i won la.

and i finally had a chance to talk to fellow comm-er yuxi (justine: my 6th sense tells me u'll like her type!) proper during the k-box gathering after tt. aiya, if someone's willing to be isolated by you it's like an invitation to know them better le la. i'm terrible in grps so the other party has to be cooperative la. (yes i know, i have the nurse alr!)

then rushed home to fry some beehoon (ok, i only sliced the fried eggs then napped whilst my mum prepped the rest). tired mah! then took a cab (cos late le, as usual), but was delayed cos it was the cab changeover time and few of them wanted to go to khatib from jurong.

kies picnic time! was half an hr late but was the earliest there. lol. weather was hot and i was kinda worried that the rest would hammer me for choosing such a terrible place and time for the picnic. but heng ah, got a tiny hut with a shelter to camp in for the duration. nice!

it's sure changed alot since the last time i came. but i guess everything changes with time, however much you hope it doesn't transpire, however much you hope that certain things remain the status quo.

played bridge (i dun like the game cos i dun like card games in general and furthermore i dislike thinking/analysing/memorising when playing games, daidee is fine tho hahaha) with the old flaggers. really do feel happy and at ease with the bunch of them, like i was telling dil on msn thereafter. the food was great too! salmon/crabstick salad and sandwiches, nice cakes, sushi, beehoon, and erm.. old chang kee kindly sponsored by josh. hahaha!

think the next picnic will be at ecp or marina barrage. bottletree park's good for prawn catching, fishing and maybe even the swan cycling on the lake, but def not for picnics. but i really damn enjoyed it la - the company really counted in this case :)

date with the nurse

ok i'm not sure how to start abt this 1st date post but it's sure better than updating thru msn to different pple.

hmm ok a quick runthrough of the itinerary: met at mph along citilink at 1715 (my habit's to meet for early dinner to avoid the queue), wandered ard marina square, settled at waraku for dinner, esplanade for a live performance (not by me of cos), then a long walk along the riverside back to cityhall area, ending with dessert (darkdevotion - thx for the recomm zhu!) at tcc, the only place open at that late hr.

as expected she was more of a channel 8 person, and i tried to switch from 5 but i ended up roughly at channel 6 i think - eh alot of thoughts and ideas v hard to express in chinese one ok! hehh. expended most of my prepared topics by the 2nd hr in the midst of the mutual questioning process, and moved on to food, travel, and lifestyle related stuff after that.

i guess both of us were still figuring each other out and reacting accordingly to avoid outright confrontation at such an early stage. after realising tt she wasn't a beef person, i probed further and yes, the religion isn't a mismatch. i wouldn't want to face that shit again, definitely. and i felt it was a good thing she's not a phone person either - more of sms, msn and meetup which is my style too.

overall it was gg well for a blind date with potential for future development until we started talking abt what my uncle/aunt had told her abt me. amidst all was the comment that i was shy and quiet. and i suddenly lapsed into a shyness attack for like.. 15mins, in which my mind totally blanked out, i lost the power of coherent speech and i couldn't but look helpless despite my best efforts.

i call it the self-fulfilled prophecy syndrome. think it's happened in varied intensities for everyone i've dated thus far. but ok la, i dun think it was tt bad, but definitely not a good thing. ohwells, it's the 1st time, can afford to screw up abit.

hmm and chemistry wise.. i thought the wavelength's quite there, me being an educated beng and all. felt it wasn't as strong a match as once upon a time in a chem lab but it's definitely sufficient to justify a 2nd date. afterall i'm far from a dating maestro who can work wonders on just the 1st date. need time to warm up to pple.

but my choice to take the damn red line from cityhall to woodlands then back to JE did pay off. thought it was a necesssary/minimum gesture and was only expecting friendly, perfunctory conversation after the long night and the fact that she was heading the ICU audit (informed at 10pm by colleague) the next day. but i was proved wrong. in a good way.

on the journey both of us probably felt that the trial was over, and we started to truly relax in the company of each other, indulging in inane chatter (damn amusing, her) and she truly endeared with her bubbly demeanour and v unglam actions, for one, knocking her head on the mrt handlebars whilst walking to sit down. and i felt the natural myself emerging and engaging with her readily and enthusiastically.

after commenting casually abt her transformation from demure to unglam over the course of the evening, she laughed it off with a lame saying 'zhi ran cai shi mei', albeit her slight embarassment. i agreed with her, but then added that it would be advisable to be more 'jing chi' on the 1st date. haha!

ok that's it! maybe 'll go drop by to visit my nephew and her some weekday evening b4 the meetup on sunday. looks good so far, but i always believe it takes at least 3 proper meetups to really have a clear idea of the other party. let's wait and see ba :)

1st ever bowling tournament - over!

i know my 2nd lesson (successful!) and e flagger bbq at xb's yet to be updated.. but today was my day!

shall talk abt it now. ok from the diagram depicted below (lol sounding like some teacher now) i attained 5th position overall out of abt.. 54 (18lanes x 3) bowlers. not too bad right! esp considering i was using only my spare ball throughout and wasn't playing too well.

it can be seen that there's a sizeable gap (104 pinfalls) btw the 1st (my coach btw) and the 2nd-5th bowlers, then a 50pin gap btw me and the 6th placed bowler, after which the point differences are negligible. goes to show that i'm in a different league from those insignificant, common gnats. i'm so proud of myself.

and from the team scores shown above, i cannot but help notice that i was instrumental in my team's relatively high ranking, esp in light of the fact that 2 of them couldn't play.

and i take whole credit for their tremendous improvement in the 2nd game, and breaking the 100 barrier for the 1st time - afterall, i'm a good teacher, having gone thru all the common mistakes that one can make.

sometimes, not being talented in something and having to work hard for it, justifies u being a good teacher in many senses. i'm not pleased abt it, but i sure am proud of it.

my 1st lesson

taught my 1st lesson on 13th Jul (Mon), 1140. an experience which i'll take with me for the rest of my teaching career (hopefully it's not too short). hurriedly prepared my 1hr lesson plan for my 5NT class from 0200 to 0500 the day itself, only catching an hr's worth of sleep. the last-min prep was an omen of what was to come.

spent whatever little time i had rehearsing my lesson, and 5 mins before it, i decided that i should just go and buang it and then learn from the experience. joked to my fellow attachees tt i would likely go 'G-G-G-Good morning class' and get laughed at even before i start my lesson proper.

but after all the presentations in uni (which are effing easy by comparison cos the pple are normally attentive and non-disruptive and one only presents for a relatively short while in a predictable setting) and dealing with subordinates and peers in the army, i honestly expected a certain level from myself.

well i obviously din meet it.

got damn nervous standing on the platform infront of the class looking at some disinterested and zoned-out faces - only the minority but still. started off by asking questions to recap their knowledge on magnetism before i went into magnetic effect of a current and force on a current-carrying conductor in a magnetic field (which is damn hard to uds even for express kids).

spoke at a breakneck pace and the students had to appeal to me to cool down. "slow down cher!, relack cher!" and etc. and i recall saying dumb stuff like "a current produces a magnetic current (supposed to be field) in its vicinity". basically all my knowledge was jumbled up and even if the words came out clearly, the ideas and concepts weren't. and after recounting to them the story of Oersted and his discovery of the correlation btw electricity and magnetism, i forgot the order of the lesson plan i prepared and had to refer to it.

ok la so far it seems like a disaster.

but it got better over time, as i started composing myself and seeing the surroundings for what they really were. felt the steady and logical flow of words from my mouth and my strident voice soothed the nerves. the class participated readily with qns (which are really trivial) which i answered easily.

after hitting them with difficult concepts which they needed some time to digest, i then used the time to prepare my next sentences and look out for the lost sheep, after which i took action accordingly. felt in control during the 2nd part of the lesson, albeit it wasn't gg exactly to plan cos i kept having to repeat my points and recapping them as quite a few of them expressed doubt openly.

during the discussion of my 1st lesson by my mentor, he stated that i had been too ambitious, trying to squeeze 4 periods worth of lessons into 2, therefore causing them to be unable to follow the lesson well. and that it was very obvious that i was v nervous at the initial stage but improved dramatically after the students called on me to relax (haha they're q cute actually). one more fault of mine was that my whiteboard (cos i din use powerpt slides) diagrams were all over the place with no order whatsoever.

so i told him that i was darn jittery la, and just wanted to look for the closest blank space to draw my diagrams and write my points thus the disorder. we laughed, amused at my open admission.

but hmm good points mentioned: my strident voice (projection too), steady eye contact with students and quick catching/questioning of the lost sheep. also, most importantly, an obvious desire to help the students, as shown when they were openly asking conceptual questions. and he mentioned that one thing i had was an affinity with the students, as they felt v comfortable asking qns and expressing constructive views, one thing he rarely experienced with them, which i observed previously despite him being a really damn good teacher.

but oh i definitely dun look v friendly and affable that's for sure. clarice (dropped by for 1 period cos she had nth to do) stated that i was damn scary and intimidated her cos i looked vv serious and unapproachable whilst teaching, other than the times where we was stealing knowing glances at each other or me answering qns from students. well, it's likely amplified by the fact tt i'm never really serious abt stuff when it's not work-related and i've been hehe-haha-ing the past 2 weeks with her alot.

well. it was a good experience overall, for i thrive on failure. i always have, not entirely by choice though. i'm looking forward to the day when i will look back on this post and reminisce abt the old days where i was still a sucky teacher. i'm sure i'll improve and become the person i aim to be, moulding the minds of tml.

P.S: linky: enjoy ur last yr of sch. u're really gg to hate the kids and teaching. i'm q sure of that.

ecp (again!)

went to ecp on sun with glad (she asked me out one lol). it was a v tiring experience cos i really abhor travel (even tho i have my books and all), esp trips where u have to change buses/trains. like i always tell my friends, i'm willing to spend up to 1.5times the amt of time req to get to a place as long as it's a direct trip.

so we went cycling - a good 2 hrs with no break. my knees couldn't take it in the midst, given i had been playing competititive badminton and abit of tennis a few days back w/o knee guards cos i kinda forgot to bring them along. and i figure one should lift their bike seat as high as possible such tt one is tiptoeing on the floor whilst seated - it reduces the strain and effort required in cycling.

concussed on the train back. in uni i never was able to just doze off and lie on someone else's shoulder unlike nowadays when it happens so often. guess i wasn't pushing myself to the limits back then. teaching's really tiring - can't help but want to nap whenever i reach home.

dangerous blogging

linky once again commented during tennis today tt he felt tt my blog posts cast myself in a bad light and tt i should stop revealing too much (i think tt's what he said haha). yeah but then again if it's all untrue propaganda abt myself, no pt keeping a blog i feel. not tt the pple i give my blog add to dun alr know i'm not exactly what i appear to be. ok maybe some don't. ahahha.

tt's why i don't give my blog address freely. hehh.

swimming with a worm

in preparation for his impending IPPT, i got wormy to join me for a nice sunday swim. but when he met me at my void deck b4 taking the bus to safra jurong, it was already drizzling.

me: wow wonderful weather we have here! the dazzling sun and clear skies. couldn't ask for more la! him: yeah dude! good weather. looking forward to a good swim later!

then we promptly moved under shelter cos the mild rain was getting us abit wet.

went to jurong west sports complex (only indoor swimming pool in the west!) instead cos of the weather. and i must say tt i've gotten v picky abt swimming pools and changing rms. can't stand pools which are too chlorinated/crowded nor changing rms which have grimy floors and slightly cracked tiles - the latter turns me off immensely.

so far safra jurong's the best followed by NTU. NUS being another viable option esp since i go there for tennis often.

tried out the long slide (1st time trying the one there) and whilst waiting at the top both of us were looking at a huge sign with multiple human positions inside red circles with diagonal slashes. i then jokingly commented tt it was the recommended actions tt we were supposed to perpetrate inside the huge tube cum slide.

of cos i did it la. switched to a superman position immediately after gg in normally, then tried the backwards one. and when i tried to go back to the normal sitting position before emerging (25 yrs old le must at least appear to be mature!), the process was ridiculous cos the turns and the rushing water made it nigh impossible - tumbled ard like an idiot before being ejected in the water unceremoniously.

oh on to the lazy pool where currents flow in one direction for easy lounging on a float. tried to swim against the currents with a small extent of success - obviously wormy ended up swimming backwards being a weaker swimmer haha. then attempted gg with the flow, with glowing results. "i think this speed is roughly Olympics level la!" i exclaimed to my dear friend.

later whilst we were walking ard JP, with our typical relaxed demeanour - loud, raucous conversation and animated hand actions, one familiar looking girl walked to me and greeted me. omg. even tho i dun have a class of my own, apparently students do recognise me. and obviously it's gg to exacerbate once i'm a teacher in a sch.

ok i'm not exactly a disgrace in public but i do enjoy doing random childish stuff with the guys which doesn't exactly portray me in a proper light. and i wouldn't want any of my students overhearing my conversations cos some can be very nasty, improper or simply wrong.

ohwells. not like i din know what i was getting myself into when i chose this profession over journalism 4 yrs back. but it's been 1 week into the attachment, and so far i truly feel this is my calling.

writer's block

it started with her adding me on fb and msn (which she seldom uses cos she's a nurse and works unearthly, unpredictable hrs). now's my turn to initiate contact, i felt.

and the thought triggered an all-pervading sense of dread.

after all, i never did venture in the area of knowing random girls thru online means. always knew the individual thru activities or courses - begun with good vibes even b4 the initial online/phone contact.

after procrastinating for several days, i finally got down to it and sent her a msg on facebook. trust me, it was a nerve-wracking experience. nth i've been prepping myself for during the past few years really helped in the process.

so i cybersta.. erm, got better acquainted with her online persona thru fb and the such, in preparation for the msg. i then clicked on the "Send Annabelle a Message". after which i closed the popup window in fear and trepidation.

after mustering enough courage, i wrote some stuff. then deleted it. and the cycle repeated itself:

too eager-to-please.

too cheesy.

too typical.

too nonchalant.

too self-depreciating

too narcissistic.

too "insert negative connotation"

after drafting a decent-looking copy (30mins!), i looked over it thoroughly, more for the tone than the grammar (her english isn't too wonderful anyways). ok sounds good! either way it's better than doing nth right. and i can always salvage it thru msn.

furthermore my photogenic photos (lol!) on fb will help prevent her from thinking i'm single and desperate lol. former yes, latter definitely not. my career's more impt to me at the moment.

ok we shall see the results of my writing soon. i shall try not to be devastated in the case of a non-reply or a disinterested, short one.

the all-impt 1st date

ok so i've been introduced to this girl by my relatives. and since i'm photogenic and all, she's decided tt i look fine from my fb profile, and the feeling was mutual. she's my type la. haha.

but the thing is, i've never really done blind dates b4. always date pple whom i've met thru activities or sch stuff mostly. now i have to figure an approach thru fb, msn, then calling (i hate calling new pple). of which must seem natural (like real it is) and portrays me as being undesperate yet engaging and fun.

the meetup should be.. imminent. but of cos it may not work out too la. it's not exactly just a casual date cos i somehow feel there's more to it (marriage?) but anyways i'm not tt young alr.

and i always like to tell my friends that friendster/facebook is the ultimate cyberstalking tool assuming u have the person in your friend list. one can get a clear idea of what the person is by the way their friends respond to their status changes or photo posts, their unique typing style, the way they look and act in photos, as well as the friends they're most often tagged with.

not to mention notes like '25 random things' that pple do.

oh but of cos i dun cyberstalk.

yeahhhhh right, u say. whateverrr. hahahaha.

i estimate that it'll be 1.5 mths b4 the date (eh i'm busy also la). meanwhile, other than focussing on gettting the most out of my teaching experience at boonlay sec, i shall buffer my knowledge on my preferred/relevant topics and acquire an interest in her interests. well, since i'm interested in learning anything, i dun think it's contrived. hehh.

ok back to prepping my 1st ever classroom lesson for my 5NT class next week.