i'm back! reminiscing and contemplations and all.

i guess the months of inactivity has left me with nary a reader. ohwells maybe it's a blessing in disguise - more likely than not this has become a silent sanctuary in which to post my musings and thoughts without fear of alternate opinions.

for the first time in ages, i've had time to myself, and do not have to rush out work for the coming day. true, teaching has its perks such as flexi-hours and long holidays, but the peak period is any other period other than the hols. i'm not ashamed to say i work on most weekday evenings and weekends.

been sms-ing and fb-msging old friends which i suspect are turning into acquaintances. i've not been present in their lives much this year, and i deserve that, i guess. always believed that the extent one's birthday is celebrated by others is proportionate to the amount of effort and care shown to others.

i must say my birthday celebrations should be quite pathetic given my theory. with the exception of a few close friends and the old guy gang and the gf, i haven't been putting much effort into my friendships, choosing to focus on my career instead.

and on the subject of my career, I must say that no-one ever expected, me the least, that i'd be doing quite well right now. i may be new to the teaching profession, but my scholarship background and appointments in the school (leadership, discipline, UG) allow me to stand out, and also serve the purpose of galvanising myself against procrastination and indifference.

really, even I wouldn't have seen that myself a year back, being apprehensive to what the job entails. but i do laugh it off with friends who see me for what i was back then in school as a student - an optimistic, happy-go-lucky slacker. i can't deny that fact :)

thankfully it hasn't carried over to my job, which i am truly grateful for. it is one job that plays to my strengths and weaknesses and gives me great meaning in life. i never once minded doing extra in my free time or going the extra mile. if everything carries on as it is and i become the DM, it's only going to be an extra sacrifice on my part. the distinction in time/effort required as a normal teacher and a DM is huge, indeed, from what i observe.

i'm glad for all that has happened in my life thus far, the good times as well as the bad times. the latter has served to teach me life lessons, and strengthen myself as a person. i thank all the people that has been in my life, be it as a positive influence or a bane of my existence. all of you have made me into who i am today :)

it's another year, may the next year of my life be even better. (to my gf: i love you so much!) happy birthday to myself and may all you readers have a good day ahead.

stressed and down

for no clear reason i'm feeling really down at the moment. going to start school in 2 days and i haven't really prepared the necessary materials, and i feel really inadequate. also v unsure about whether i can handle the kids well, esp since i'm in the discipline comm now - have to set an example.

i guess it's cos i planned to go out w different friends over the thur-fri-sat-sun-mon break and have some exercise whilst preparing my work, and had it all thought out. then it all when awry when i received an sms from dad that my godpa had passed away. which also meant for our religion that i had to expend the next few days at sengkang and help out with the necessary rites.

and it's quite tiring i must say. and upsetting cos i really hate having my plans derailed, and i was really looking forward to meeting up those pple, spending quality time with the gf, and preparing for my work according to schedule.

and tml's the final day of the rites and i have to wake up early to go to sch to settle stuff before gg over at 9-10am. i'm worried that i have not prepared enough material to teach and i will not be able to handle some of my classes. i guess i worry unduly and i'll see for myself when it starts, but well i guess it happens to all.

i'll just have to do my best and look forward to tennis lessons with the gf at 8pm :) then likely an all-nighter before school starts. which is so different from my plan to sleep at latest 1am every night. ohwells, i'll start that next week :) hopefully.