burning bridges

today another of her friends sent me a considerably long (~200words) personal msg on fb, of which i have to say really sounded v non-judgmental and well-thought out. so i decided to spend a good 15 minutes and a good amount of thought replying his queries.

so after 700 words and a fair bit of reminiscing, i was done with my reply. it really feels quite therapeutic to write it all out, esp in response to questions instead of just randomly from my mind.

i know that i'm quite guilty of making things sound less emotional and more impersonal than i really feel, but that's just my style of writing. and when i actually sound v emotional, sometimes it's by choice too. it's not like i'm not capable of altering my style to sound a certain way. but enough abt that.

talking things through, gg thru all the details with friends who volunteer to listen or simply provide you with company and good conversation really does help. it's really eased me thru the entire process, which was far more painful and less clear-cut than the previous one. i used to think that i could solve all problems by myself. i was wrong, and i'm glad i have friends who are willing to help.

L jokingly commented on sat that he was half-expecting me to get back together with her, and being one of the few who know me well, i was silently impressed by his comment. yes of course i do think about it at times, and wonder if there's someone actually more suited for me than her. after all, it's one thing to find someone whom u think is suited for you; its another thing for her to feel the same way.

but apparently all her friends are pissed at me for my sudden decision (so what, i'm supposed to let it drag on to an inevitable ending and waste her time? maybe it would have been better, i wouldn't know) and my closer friends and parents somehow thought it was the right choice after hearing my views over the past mths.

but i'm to blame for not giving her closure. i should have, but i din get the chance to do so then, and i'm not about to affect her by insisting on a talk now. it just isn't right, however much i want to meet her - i can't possibly lie and say i don't miss her presence at times. i'm at fault here.

i've been giving her friends set-in-stone comments that i'm v resolute about my decision, so it's hard to backtrack on my words, however much i want to. with every passing day, it seems more of a mistake. but that could be the effect of an increased sense of loneliness and solitude caused by the sudden influx of time and loss.

it's the start of a new, hectic workweek again; gg to be very busy this week with all my classes starting their new topics. really looking forward to the long National Day weekend!