working post

as a quick followup to my previous post, yes all is fine and well with my colleague/friend. got a throat inflammation today, and took my very 1st MC since i officially became a teacher - din want to aggravate it on Mon and suffer for the next 4 days.

been less focussed on work the previous 2 weeks, for reasons unlike those post-event. kind of switched the focus of my life from work/students back to myself too excessively, and i felt suddenly motivated to strike a balance between the two today. maybe it was a blessing in disguise.

it's time to get back into top gear for the next month in preparation of the final exams. and i shall look forward to the lull period as a form of motivation! no more procrastination, inefficient working, or pure indifference at times! i know i can do it.

it hurts alot less now, and i've got quite a few to thank for that, in particular the tennis buddy and the bro/cous family combo. i dunno whether they were there so often because they wanted to or because they had to, but either way, their company and presence was really invaluable, in a way no-one can fathom.

shall stay on till 5pm everyday (yes i've been leaving earlier) in school for this week, settling admin matters properly and doing my job to the max, going the extra mile for my students.

later's the 1st match of the new season for Man Utd - at 230am. i wanted to sleep early and wake early but i guess it'll have to wait till after tml. will work till 12, then nap till 2, after which i will mark my papers whilst watching soccer.

ok 3 more hours to go! the lesson overview for the week is done and i feel really clear as to exactly what to do during what lesson, unlike last week where i just decided the day before. haha horrible right! let's start on the answer scheme for C10 TB exercise...

bad start to the long weekend

today's national day and school ends at 10am, after which i had a badminton session with one class and a movie with another, tentatively dinner with a friend. and then it would be 4 days of break ahead.

so today during school i was in high spirits, being less strict than normal and just simply chatting to the students happily as there were no lessons, just class activities and performances.

and after the performance prizes were given out to the best decorated noticeboards which my form class won - imagine how i felt then - totally joyful and smiling constantly. and i guess in this state i was less inhibited than normal.

had earlier heard from a teacher that another class had seemed to copy our class' concept as it looked v similar. and then i saw the co-form of that class along the corridor, of which was my fellow practicum trainee and a trusted friend.

so i commented randomly (as usual) to her that her class seemed to have copied their concept from mine, as a joke of sorts, and i felt weird that she seemed to be less jovial than normal. i moved off to chat to my students after that, not knowing what was to happen next.

on the way to the badminton courts and in higher spirits, 3 random girls from that class confronted me about my words, and i was taken aback (just like those innocent guys when they are accused of something).

it was kind of a total mood-spoiler, as i hadn't meant it that way, and partly cos i felt really hurt that someone i trusted so much could relay such a skewed picture of me to her students.

so i sms-ed her to confirm that she did say that, and the initial reply sounded quite hostile and accusatory, which was rare and somehow set the tone for the ensuing sms-es, in which i veered between explaining and apologising (which i felt compelled to).

basically the conversation was something like this:

Me: did you tell your class that i said this?
Her: didn't you say that just now?
Me: it was a casual comment n you know i din mean it that way. but sry if i implied any illwill.
Her: (describing exactly what i said literally), which part did i get wrong abt your comments?
Me: it was more of a random comment from a friend, not a fellow form-teacher. hope u uds i wasn't really accusing your class of anything.
Her: am i supposed to laugh about that? my class spent the entire noon doing it ytd.

ok at this point i wasn't so much caring what her class would think of me, more about how to manage this so it wouldn't become awkward btw us in the future. i definitely prefer one more friend in the office.

afterall, even though the intent was not wrong, the words were, and i doubt she was in a very good mood to start with. i mean, i'm very easily annoyed by seemingly harmless comments by others and keep grudges thereafter when i was in a horrible mood then. of course others feel the same.

i guess i just have to watch my words in the future, and note that the friend-colleague boundary for others may not be so blurred unlike mine. i don't really behave like a professional colleague when around closer teacher friends and i guess my uninhibitedness with words may cause me trouble at times.

sigh.

hmmm

apparently the cousin had linked me on his blog again, hence exposing me to unwanted visitors on mine.

the kind which derives pleasure from discussing me and my shenanigans with fellow like-minded people, and whom i have no desire to share any bit of my personal life with.

ohwells. i don't really like the current address anyways. shall switch again in the coming days when i think of a nice one.

quotes from inception

some select quotes from the movie:

Cobb: [from trailer] Dreams feel real while we're in them. It's only when we wake up that we realize something was actually strange.

Eames: [Shows up while Arthur is in a gunfight] You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.

Mal: You're waiting for a train; a train that will take you far away. You know where you hope this train will take you, but you can't be sure. Yet it doesn't matter - because we'll be together.

Mal: You keep telling yourself what you know. But what do you believe? What do you feel? Cobb: Guilt.

Cobb: I miss you more than I can bear, but we had our time together. I have to let you go.

self-justifying

i've always prided myself for being rational and logical but the exex recently mentioned that i was far from that - that i was really emotional instead. obviously i'm not gg to take her words at face value but now that i think abt it, i'm not really sure of myself now.

utilising self-justifying logic is my way to make me believe in the decisions i make, to make me feel good at having made the right choices, to give myself and others a plausible reason when things don't go right.

it's the end-result of having things not go my way since young, hence the development of such a complex. if i hadn't resorted to this method, i would very well have sunk into depression, being the sensitive and very self-conscious boy i was then.

this time, i must admit i may have treaded wrongly. even i can't know for sure. but ohwells. things come and go, they say; i can only wish the right one comes along once again. time to justify my decision once again to make myself feel less affected.