tired

no it's not the studying i'm tired of. it's the constant thinking of trivial stuff. it's unacceptable, at this time especially. i can't forgive myself for it but yet i can't help but doing so. have been thinking abt it all after that dinner with sis in which she mentioned some stuff.

not totally unexpected, but yet it still affected me. a lot.

i'm not sure if it's partly due to the exam stress, but i'm really feeling tired of it. does it matter at all, i've been beginning to wonder recently. but i can't help but do, give, offer, converse. why care so much if the other party doesn't. it's been so long.

i'm still willing to wait, to try. but it all seems so futile. i feel helpless. sometimes effort isn't all that important, especially if it's misguided; a misaligment of desires.

i think i'll just let it go for now, and think about it after the exams when everything can be seen in a clearer light and everyone is able to behave in a manner unaffected by the setting at the moment.