weekend ended

one more month to exams. rough timetable's out. figured there's not much need for a detailed one at this pt of time. just doing it's the way to go. hopefully i'll pass the perpetual catchup phase and embark on the revision one. it's gg to be tiring. but fun. immersing oneself in a single pursuit (ok, 6 for my 6 modules) amidst the occasional meetup or activity can be a productive and revitalising experience.

tues: meetup with the flaggers for yi's b-day. haven't seen them for a while. ok i do see a certain few on a more regular basis but you get the point. should be fun!

wed: tennis w fellow scholars ginnelle/sarapova n linken. over the past few weeks they've been gg for intensive coaching and session-wise they've overtaken me, given my 3rd and previous one was like 2 mths ago. linky has since stopped whining (ok la he doesn't exactly whine. just the general feeling i got at the start that he thought he only lost cos he trained less than me) abt his lack of proper coaching when he's soundly beaten nowadays. will have to arrange for a spot of self-trg so i can still win even when it's 2against1. heh! ok i know it wun last for long.

sometimes, i do wonder where my competitive nature started dissipating. esp that in the academic arena. through sports, hopefully, i can rediscover that feeling. it just doesn't feel the same anymore. i miss those times.

date!

i always do term the word very loosely. given it isn't restricted to members of the opposite sex, my point is kind of proven. to me it's just an opportunity to know someone better, be it someone u just got to know, or someone u've always known in a grp setting but never got the chance to spend quality conversation time with, in an environment conducive to the exchange of ideas and thoughts. the process of which would benefit both parties in that insights are garnered and a lasting friendship is hopefully developed.

no first date (or second? haha) jitters. if there were, something would be really wrong. hahaha. haven't really gone out with anyone i was already considerably acquainted with and who knew most of my little habits and nuances - found it quite a novel and enjoyable process.

starting it off by jolting me at guardian.

discussing writing styles and recommending each other good reads. looking for a book whose title seemed more like a description (lol!). the aimlessly walking around (eh can we find a place to sit down? tired).

sitting at the alfresco area of mac and not e starbucks one w/o ordering ath. spending ages btw deciding on hk or jap food. then amusing me by asking me abt the other when we alr decided on one. enlightening me to the presence of a certain local singer who sounded gd.

ordering quite a lot of stuff which i never really touched until halfway thru. u finally discovering who J's source was, amidst other stories (drama series?). free veggies with weak sauce and the cold/chilled soba noodles with minced pork. not settling the bill and sitting there despite the table being cleared awhile ago.

checking out the nice choc shop at citylink. u trying to pull out the menu which was fixed in place, hehh.

introducing me to a movie with 3 strong female leads and a good plot. furiously (ok la, not exactly) taking pics of the quaint tea-brewing gizmo at TCC. complaining abt the osmanthus taste (dun like flowers then still order!). the cookie that disappointed u with its 'funny taste'.
your finally uttering the 'L' (no, it's not love. haha) word without prompting of any sort.

in-depth discussions. philosophical debates. insightful topics.

taking the train from cityhall to JE thru the NE line!! a good 3/2 hrs. perusing my notes throughout e hr after u alighted.

ur obvious inclination towards speaking in chinese
yet beautiful and well-crafted sentences in english.
ur contemplative and unassuming nature.
ur cheerful and easygoing disposition.
ur round face and short fringe (lol).
ur friendship and much-appreciated trust.

treasure the circumstances that brought both of you together.
eschew the past cos one should never be binded by past events.
cherish the sweet moments associated with the 1st.
a memory to keep for eternity; a story for the grandchildren.

sloth

always believed that nipping a problem in the bud when it first arose was the proper policy. but it seems that delaying action which seemingly needs to be done, instead allowing time to solve the issue by itself, can actually be the right thing to do.

6 mths ago. once. contemplated doing something which i thought would matter, but did not. it would prove thereafter that it wouldn't have had the tiniest impact had i perpetrated it.

a few days ago. once more. it's really quite embarassing. when i think of it i can't imagine why i felt that way then. it's been a while since. too much emotions involved.

sometimes doing too much, too fast, on the spur of emotions would just aggravate matters. i'm lucky that at times, i was quite the sloth when it came to responding.

confused

i'm not gg to attempt to elaborate on my feelings here. it'll only make things worse. i guess i just don't understand myself enough. nor the implications of my actions towards others. i've been naive. impulsive. going with the flow. didn't think things through clearly before i perpetrated them. ambiguity? lots of it. not entirely by choice but no excuses will be accepted.

compatibility

what is it exactly. similarities? complementing differences? it's likely a mix of both.

it's not a quality that can be easily gauged even after knowing the other party considerably well. being similar in areas that matter deep down to you and different in areas that you're personally not very concerned abt is a key ingredient to a lasting friendship.

the endearing touch of familiarity, being able to connect with a significant other, in turn knowing that he/she is cognizant and understanding of your needs, thoughts and feelings. yet familiarity does breed contempt and boredom over time; differing views on minor issues and varying interests helps prolong one's inner desire to get more acquainted with the other.

therein lies the reason for the age-old tradition of pursuing one's happiness. but to how many is this quality key to their choice? not many, i should believe. when asked for the reason behind their actions, they term the key criterion as a gut feeling.

one more popularly known as love. the true form of which compatibility cannot be absent.

mistakes

so wish to pen down certain thoughts, certain events that have taken place over the past few weeks. but shall refrain from doing so. even as this is a personal space limited to a select few, but then again these matters aren't exactly what i would risk divulging to others. not that i care what others think tho. ha. the previous statement was a total joke.

it's a matter of ethics, one thing which i never really saw fit to abide by. my point was, if all parties benefit eventually, the means used, however unconventional or seemingly warped, would be well-justified. not everyone thinks that way tho. it's still proper to follow certain paths en route to achieving something, even as mild deviations from the norm are accepted by most.

appearances can be deceiving. one can make use of others' perception of themselves to their own advantage at times, if only they knew how they portrayed themselves to different parties. no-one treats everyone similarly, and this single act simply underlies the fact that every action is a subconscious reaction to a stimuli, however much one wishes to believe that he/she is in control of their behaviour and actions.

when even the closest confidant expresses a hint of disapproval amidst the evident amusement and laughter it shouldn't be a good sign. i do believe he did see my rationale behind my thoughts and actions eventually, but given his impetuousness and perceived lack of ethics, i should think it would be totally unacceptable to many others.

to be truly independent of one's personal biases towards others. to be genuinely cognizant of the causes for and likely aftermath of one's actions, and to resist the temptation to reap immediate benefits from undesirable behaviour. to be able to live up to one's own expectations, and not be affected by those imposed, subconsciously or otherwise, from others. to be able to honestly say that any altruistic or selfless decision one has made was based solely on others on not even partly due to some vested interest or personal goal on one's part.

these ideals are seemingly unattainable, some even brinking on utopian in nature, should one not consider self-delusion as an obvious solution. but it'd already be commendable if one exercises objective introspection, sees oneself for the fault-ridden being one is, and work towards a better self. everyone ought to, for the sake of salvaging their inner soul, if not for the supposed greater good of the society.

which the former likely leads to eventually.

the quality of one's life is determined by the quality of the surrounding influences, which is likely, in turn, affected by the actions of oneself towards them. complaining abt one's inferior surroundings / influences in the moulding of oneself thus seems untenable as an argument. one determines his own fate, to a certain extent, by controlling his surroundings. changing the way one behaves to others, as well as cultivating one's innate qualities and developing skills and capabilities, affects how others react to him, which in turn motivates him to continue down the path he chose and continue making the decisions he made. or otherwise.

it's tiring. yes.

work

beginning to lose focus once again after the mid-term break. i really can't afford to screw up any longer. every sem i tell myself to focus on studies; every sem i find something new to get distracted by. if it had somewhat been forced upon me i wouldn't have been that disappointed in myself. no. i chose to. or rather i was receptive to them.

but letting everything go now just doesn't seem right. it wouldn't be.

b-day celebrations 300808 (part2)

someone i really wanted to go out with told me early morn (like 1am) that she wun be able to make it. so i did abit of rescheduling. sigh. and i thought it'd be nice to go out with her 2 yrs later on the same day after the last time we went out proper. hmm come to think of it, it wasn't exactly proper. as in a date. ahhaha.

yup. charm in the morn at m square. really like that place la. bowling, pool, arcade, k-box, times, decent shopping outlets and various food selections. gives an option to walk over to e esplanade for some quiet time :) and suntec's nearby too. hmm ok then i tried out e western genre in the morn. played abit of bowling (yesssss, again. on fire mah!) then walked ard aimlessly whilst talking (my specialty lol). thanks for accomodating my various oddities and bad habits (being late for 1.5hr!) all this while. but i'm sure u're ok with it since we've been friends for 2 years and counting. haha.

then i realised i was running over schedule. should be meeting other pple at diff places at different times. so i decided to take the easy choice. all of you come to m square! i msged. haha. since i doubt they've left home and that they'd mind even otherwise.

then sangi for lunch (no, she's not lunch). thai this time. my fave bbq seafood rice platter. never get sick of it la. too much of a good thing can be detrimental at times, but i threw caution to the wind. as well as my diet plans. one of the few i can sit down with properly without feeling restless and have a good conversation with. one of e first pple i knew in hall even b4 it started, thru rag dance. sometimes i'm really disturbed by how much i talk to you abt a particular topic. or rather.. nvm. hahaha.

lalaa really touched me (not literally) during our erm.. high tea at waraku. jap food. yup been eating too much today! didn't have high hopes since you said you had nothing for me but the nice cake with a candle (yay i'm just 1 year old!) was a nice gesture. and i really like the loooong letter detailing our friendship over the past few mths. letters really mean alot to me; dun care much abt material gifts. i'm really a sucker for words - the written form. sometimes time isn't a factor in making a friend.

never expected to meet someone so very similar to myself and whom i really feel comfortable sharing all my feelings with. not to mention similar interests. i'm a very private person, as my flag pple can attest to after working together closely for 3 mths, so it's v hard for me to truly open up. indeed, a stranger is just a friend waiting to happen.

ok! sausage fest time. managed to gather the guys together for the evening, and even tho i see wormy and john individually quite often, it's a joy to get together with those 11 yr buddies of mine who's seen me grow all these years. sometimes i wonder what i did to deserve them; never was a very fun person, nor an outstanding one, nor was i always there for them back then. even neglected them during my 1st sem in hall, in which newer friends took precedence. i should have known better; it was really a learning experience.

and jieren, stop accusing me abt chatting to gals on msn and generally ignoring you (even tho it's the truth, haha!). aiya. we can always meet up in sch 4 a proper chat anytime la. right? hehh.

after a chinese dinner, boarded dan's car en route for sentosa; planned to stay there overnight. but me and jieren were concussed and sleeping on each other in the car (gay! he exclaimed later), so we decided to just go vivo to chill out at the deck area. woke up half an hr later and discovered we were still on the road. lost! wtf.

with the aid of the superb navigation from wormy we managed to get from m square to orchard in 1/2 hr, orchard to orchard in another 1/2 hr and orchard to vivo in 1/2 hr. roughly. hahaha. outstanding la. then chatted and camwhored abit (1st time we're taking pics together man) till ard 1am b4 leaving 4 home. long day! long post too!

b-day celebrations 300808 (part1)

just before i forget abt the entire thing i've decided to cease my work (or rather play) and blog it down. together with most of the stuff i've experienced thus far. of course i'll 4get some things.. but i'm of the opinion that if you can forget something entirely, it isn't worth remembering in the 1st place.

just like what i always believe in: no point in looking back and regretting losing friends which you drifted apart from; if it were capable of happening, it wouldn't have justified a true friendship. better late than never.

hmm. went out with family the night b4. had dinner at fajar shopping centre. one of my fave places. the zhi char is really superb for the price. and even w/o the price justification, it's still superb la. haha. it's really rare that my bro tagged along for the evening; he's been busy with his own life for the past year. good conversation as usual. despite us being from different walks of life, we both respect each other's opinions and enjoy sharing stories abt the respective lives the other would never lead.

then went for a spot 0f bowling. since young i've NEVER beaten him consistently - he's really talented athletically despite the little effort he puts in. but oh well it's a different ball game now after i picked up a few lessons a year back. i scored 195, 178, 212, 180, 164; above my usual standard. even so he played admirably and took a game off me and my dad who won 2 games each. heh. yes. i do keep track of my scores for averaging purposes.

then back home to rest. long day tml!

silver. $200.

the title speaks for itself.