cny

ok this year's CNY was memorable in (just) a few areas:

1. Winning Eleven 2010

2. V-day

3. Abalone Noodles

1 - for those not in the know, WE2010 is a soccer game on the xbox/ps3 and which is the MAIN game for most guys. i have like a hundred games on the xbox360 and yet i spend 50% of my play time on that damn game. which is alot. and i know guys who do the same.

it's quite amusing playing even the com (5star difficulty is alr getting boring), what more human players? this CNY, my usual few challengers had a great time playing the game with me. and happily for my competitive self, they no longer posed a challenge to me. afterall, when i lose once in anything i care about, normally i hide and practice on it till i'm good.

2 - ah v-day. it's my 1st proper one and therefore i made sure it went well. i thought it went fine but i dunno if the gf thought so too. haaaa. anyways i folded roses since the gf commented that the flowers i gave her b4 were attracting insects. so there. and of course a nice card with my fastidiously neat handwriting. hehhh.

3. i went visiting to a rich relative's house on CNY Day 2. the seat covers, cushion covers and even the damn tablecloth was LV, the decor was tasteful and the furniture obviously expensive. i commented to the maid that i was hungry and would appreciate some instant noodles.

and she cooked this up for me:

there was a total of 6/7 gigantic abalone pieces inside, and i heard from mum that she gave me half the can of abalone. so generous right. this bowl of noodles potentially cost like 20 bucks la i think. i look forward to going back again next year.

tearing

is one thing which comes to me, albeit in small amounts, whenever i engage in certain thought patterns or recount certain experiences.

despite my evident ego, sometimes i really do hate myself. the way i handle things, the way i behave, the way i act, or even think. sometimes i really feel hypocritical for commenting on others, when i'm perpetrating something to a similar but lesser extent myself.

but how can you control what you think? logical and rational as i claim to be, sometimes i suspect if it's a front for justifying all the non-desirable behaviour i engage in. and trust me, i can make any of them sound justifiable, even as others may not deign to accept it initially.

that's why two things i consciously have changed gradually over the years is my sense of morality and threshold of "feeling bad over own actions". one is that i no longer see my decisions and actions as black or white, but simply in a gray region of ambiguity. another is that i've learnt not to kick myself too much over certain things i do, as long as it doesn't adversely affect others.

i guess everyone has their own way of handling their flaws such that their detrimental effects on one's life is minimised or even eliminated. it remains to be seen if my choice of solution is right.

similarities

noticed that 2 of my friends had been talking about the same thing. and to no surprise i agreed with their view. eh they're my closer friends what, of cos can't be that dissimilar right. haaaa.

from peilee's blog:

对人敏感，遇到另一个和我一样的人，总觉得不自在，不想输。
就如一山不能藏二虎 。
内心不断地在奋斗着。

i like, totally agree can. all the people i feel inadequate or uncomfortable around are those with similar abilities, personalities or viewpoints but to a higher/more capable extent. dislike would be too strong a word to use tho.

how can you dislike a person for qualities that u possess in abundance of? that would be like hating yourself. which is not a constructive thought btw.

over recent days, i've come to realise that being able to complement and appreciate each other's qualities can be superior to being v similar, esp in the long run. you may wish for someone's company simply because he/she resonates so well with you initially.

but i guess when the novelty wears off and you start being antagonised by the person in a v familiar manner (similar to what you normally do to antagonise pple), or simply engage in a subconscious battle for superiority, a different approach and accomodation has to be taken to allow the interaction to continue amicably.

and i realised i spent way too much time on non-constructive stuff today. must hand in my self-constructed test paper by tml! and a lesson presentation and essay by fri. omg i'm so behind schedule. but it does feel kinda exciting in a way too.

i thrive on it! ah ok, i procrastinate. back to work.

v-day plans

it has been a busy week indeed- i actually felt abit stressed (for once) over not being able to finish my work with a self-imposed level of quality.

yeah, normally i can afford to go out, do what i like and still get my job done decently. but i digress.

anyways i have finally gotten my v-day dinner plans settled! but of course i shall not divulge the location lest my gf gets wind of it. then not fun alr right.

but i was damn surprised to discover that this supposedly ideal place was so damn near to my JC! that time i never knew it existed la.

but then again, i never once contemplated spending more than $10 per meal back in those old days (exceptions like kuishinbo or marina bay buffet aside) in JC. my paltry allowance of $50/week simply din allow for it i guess. so it wasn't entirely surprising too.

anyways, it's a v hard process sourcing for an ideal v-day restaurant, even with easily available information through friends and food blogs and the such. reasons include:

1. the place has good food and ambience but is too expensive even normally (>$100/head)

2. the place has good food and ambience and v affordable ($70/head) but the damn alacarte menu is not available and the v-day meal is exorbitant.

3. the place has good food and ambience and v affordable (alacarte menu available) but the location is so outta the way that there's nth else worth checking out near there.

4. the place has good food and ambience and v affordable (alacarte menu available) and the location is not outta the way but it's fully booked.

yes of course i could cook myself and have a picnic somewhere but it'll be too much of a risk for such an important occasion. what if the food's horrible. what if the location is packed. what if it's raining. what if we get swarmed by insects. what if my hamster finishes my food before i set off.

you get the picture.

well i just want to play it safe to ensure the most wonderful experience possible for my wonderful gf. it is my sacred duty as a wonderful bf, after all. here's to a wonderful meal and a wonderful day on the 14th.

food and the native smurfs

today i realised my blog is full of boring words and sorely lacking in pictures. even as my readers are mostly intellectual, i have decided to insert PICTURES in this current post so as to freshen things up, for you and yours truly as well.

ok anyways i met up with the old friend (almost 2 yrs le) zhu awhile back (yeah i know i blog slow). wanted to bring the jap food fanatic to the place near hall (sakuraya) but realised it'll be too far from anything, so decided to introduce her to the more conveniently located Ichi Tei at sunshine plaza.

bentos are quite value for money and the sashimi decent too (zhu: sakuraya one more fresh). oh and it's near to the NAFA free art gallery so can drop by, pretend to be artsy and impress girls hahaha. i'm jesting.

mixed sashimi set! must try - nishin (herring w roe) sashimi which even SHE hadn't tried b4.

my salmon bento (tried my 2nd choice 2 days b4 so decided on this)

unagi bento (her's) - they make the teriyaki sauce themselves (v nice!)

oh and on the way we checked out the red mango yoghurt chain which we had read in the sunday Lifestyle about. looks nice right!

i kinda felt poor by then but felt like sitting down whilst waiting for Avatar 3D to start (watched the 2D one with friends le) so decided to go to Yakun. i really love eggs alot la (gf should know that fr the JB trip haha).

and we watched the native smurfs battle the mechwarriors in a movie which supposedly advocated some poorly-disguised save-the-forests message and which i am supposed to be more aware of the situation we're facing now in reality. but the reality is that i still dun care much, sadly.

to be very honest, i din really think the movie lived up to the hype or its billing as the top-grossing movie of all time. the character development and plot (which is damn impt to me) was mediocre at best, even though i have to agree that the general idea was believable and well-presented such that it had me immersed in the lush greenery and sights of Pandora for that 3 hrs.

ok i dun think you care much about my alternative opinion. i hoped you enjoyed the movie though.

reversal

ok i guess sometimes people tend to make assumptions after events have transpired, only to realise after awhile that they were simply reacting to their then current state of emotions and thoughts.

today i was having lunch with the clique, without the one member which displays nearly all the attributes i dislike.

and hor, i realised that i really enjoyed the conversation. no more of those recent laugh-out-loud-at-her-own-jokes-and-rest-chuckle-politely moments, nor those cases where the 2 girls just talked abt stuff where us guys can't grasp shit about.

it was just like b4 she joined the grp. a good conversation with the aim being more of updating and sharing than creating laugh-out-loud moments, the former of which means alot more to me.

i really felt most of my words coming out from my heart (figuratively la) as compared to just saying the right things w/o really caring about what i said. and i sincerely wished to listen to what they had to say too.

i conclude from many prior experiences that i just can't be bothered with superficial conversation (much more than others) should i already have known the person for a considerable time period. i have much better things to do nowadays.

maybe i need to change this aspect b4 i start teaching proper. but then again, I guess it'll be different with colleagues than it will with friends. i should just focus on doing the right thing and refrain from making others feel what others made me feel in the past.

being stuck up

since time immemorial i've always detested those pple who were full of themselves, always cutting into other pple sentences as if it din matter, who felt their point of view triumphed over others.

those people who appeared to be nice to certain chosen people and indifferent or nasty to most others. and whom which it was useless arguing with cos they would only pretend to be hearing and understanding your point of view.

my trusted tennis buddy linky was reminding me of Point 4 of 5 as he felt i really din care about knowing him on the 1st day we met (almost 2yrs le!), and i had to admit it was true - i really trust my 1st impression alot and he din seem like my favoured kind of guy. but turns out he was. haha.

there's a saying that whatever you don't like in other people, you normally have it yourself. i always thought that a load of bullshit. but hor, i think it's true leh, at least for my case and ALL the above points. but not to a very huge extent la! haha.

it's not obvious cos i try to minimise it as much as possible. i'm a very cost-benefit analysis and cause-consequence person by nature so i know these aspects of me can lead to long-term repercussions if not kept under check.

in the past i always attributed my selectiveness to shyness. but over time, i realised i'm not really a shy guy - infact i discovered to my chagrin that i simply cannot be bothered to smile and socialise with people whom i am indifferent towards (STUCK-UP!)

but of course i do the right thing initially, always, cos first impressions count. and also cos it's dumb to be disliked at the start cos it deters potential friendships with mutual acquaintances. normally it works if the person doesn't see me often enough - one can attribute occasional indifference to tiredness and stress.

but the shyness (or quietness) label sure is convenient - afterall how can you blame a person for being quiet and drifting off and talking to only a few pple in a grp when you know he's simply.. shy?

and i realise my group is uncovering me for the person i am. even tho i go for lunches most of the time w them despite preferring to swim or gym or meet other friends for lunch. i'm sure the girls figured out i dun really enjoy conversing much w them cos it's been a long while and it's tiring to maintain appearances la.

and i'm sure they got it when one of them caught me happily and animatedly conversing with another friend when i was being v grumpy and tired-looking prior to that in e grp.

can talk means can talk, cannot means cannot la! but i genuinely enjoy talking to one guy about soccer, hall, gaming, IT stuff and the other guy about badminton, dance, health and teaching in general tho.

it's q evident that they prefer to talk to me one-on-one during lunches abt topics they really care about (as opposed to hearing abt the girls telling 'funny' stories about their recent manicure) cos they are quite willing to enter a solitary bubble of conversation w me.

but i feel it's kinda bad at times to simply ignore the boring stories so i try to steer it back to the grp setting after awhile. and they're more politically correct and sensitive than me so normally they get it really fast. ohwells i dun mind bearing the brunt of the annoyed stares for them.

i dun really care, after all.

workk

ha i decided to blog about my serious stuff to display my studious and intelligent side for once. of which i am sorely lacking in and does not seem to be becoming active anytime soon.

but seriously i'm working alot harder these days, albeit mostly due to the circumstances. sem 2 being only 6 weeks with 4 modules and one exhibition to plan for, i was under no illusion that it was gg to be an easy sem compared to the previous one.

it's only the start of the 2nd week and i'm rushing my essays, readings and projects like no-one's business. just done with a trial chemistry microteaching presentation too. it's really like nothing i experienced in NUS.

i guess it's cos i'm really investing more heart and effort into what i'm learning cos it's mostly v relevant to what i'm gg to be doing in 1.5mths time. of course one can go into teaching without 1st gg to NIE, but he/she would have to be innately a talented counsellor/teacher/communicator to be able to do well.

and the different modes of assessment, the teaching pedagogies, the inquiry-based teaching method is way different from anything one can learn even with 5 years experience teaching tuition. without utilising these, one would hit a plateau at a relatively low level even with passion and commitment.

we'll see during practicum whether i actually use what i've learnt. heh.

inconsistence

i checked my history as to how frequent i posted on my blog after zhu commented that it was hard to keep updated cos i have a habit of posting like alot at one go after quite long intervals.

and i realised that i have a rough pattern of posting 2-3 posts every 20 days or so since a few mths back. yeah i'm quite a fan of small statistics such as these haha. ok so this is post 1.

more to come later.

the month of dec

my 1mth vacation (probably my last one as a student) has officially transpired. looking at my schedule, it's really been a packed one, filled with meaningful meetups throughout.

yes, certain meetups are quite meaningless and simply to combat loneliness. hmm but then again they aren't that meaningless for they allow you to appreciate and see just how meaningful your 'meaningful' meetups are.

i was about to printscreen my monthly schedule and put it here to boost my ego since it looks damn happening this year but it's in the lappie - troublesome. and not much point putting it here also la. i'm not such an exhibitionist.

like real la. i'm just lazy.

oh. and this year it was a first for me, not going for dumb countdowns (not inc. private events) on christmas eve and new year's eve. and i was in no way upset by it.

infact i was quite amused and impressed with myself for not succumbing to the cliche of hmm, happily counting down (count down le, so?) or simply the pre-process of cheering/gathering merrily and reminiscing about the past year.

ok, call me boring. but hor, i really think it's pointless. gathering wise, u can gather at any other date, in an atmosphere that is less boisterous and noisy (i prefer not to have to raise my voice to be heard). movies are the dumbest thing u can do on those days but some do it and it's like how ex man.

lastly should you attend a countdown to fruition, prepare to fork out good $ for a cab (if u wait long enough) or squeeze sardine-like in public transport.

i think the only pple who should logically like countdowns are party animals who enjoy the presence of fellow fun-revellers, loud, thumping music as well as the electrifying atmosphere. and couples who think that gg to countdowns is the right thing to do as a couple.

i only know alot of pple go (i used to) for the sake of going (my friends gg too! they say) and being able to tell about it, not that any of my friends are like that, tho. so old le, why bother abt appearances when you could be spending quality time with yourself (hahaha) or others?

of course it helped that most of my group gatherings (or individual dates) fell on all the dates from the 21st to the 1st dec except on 24th, 25th and 31st. apparently enough pple in my grps were attached such as to render most grp gatherings non-applicable. or maybe i have no friends.

also helped that the gf was working or i'll likely have gone for a dumb countdown too. hahaha.

anyways on those days i played tennis, did my work, played games, read books and dinner-ed with friends and family. just like any other damn day.

i seriously dun see the big difference between one day and another such that i have to drastically alter my lifestyle for it. esp dumb countdowns. yes i know i've used that word alot today.

call me old, call me boring. but i stick to my stand that everyone should know what they truly enjoy and live their life around it without being influenced (too much) by surrounding friends, simple hype or simply their perceptions that they have to perpetrate something or else.

if you truly enjoy something, do it. if you dun, don't, unless there're tangible and considerable rewards/benefits from doing so. be happy for the sake of yourself ba. life is that simple and easily enjoyed. most of the time we just complicate matters - just follow your heart i feel.