being stuck up

since time immemorial i've always detested those pple who were full of themselves, always cutting into other pple sentences as if it din matter, who felt their point of view triumphed over others.

those people who appeared to be nice to certain chosen people and indifferent or nasty to most others. and whom which it was useless arguing with cos they would only pretend to be hearing and understanding your point of view.

my trusted tennis buddy linky was reminding me of Point 4 of 5 as he felt i really din care about knowing him on the 1st day we met (almost 2yrs le!), and i had to admit it was true - i really trust my 1st impression alot and he din seem like my favoured kind of guy. but turns out he was. haha.

there's a saying that whatever you don't like in other people, you normally have it yourself. i always thought that a load of bullshit. but hor, i think it's true leh, at least for my case and ALL the above points. but not to a very huge extent la! haha.

it's not obvious cos i try to minimise it as much as possible. i'm a very cost-benefit analysis and cause-consequence person by nature so i know these aspects of me can lead to long-term repercussions if not kept under check.

in the past i always attributed my selectiveness to shyness. but over time, i realised i'm not really a shy guy - infact i discovered to my chagrin that i simply cannot be bothered to smile and socialise with people whom i am indifferent towards (STUCK-UP!)

but of course i do the right thing initially, always, cos first impressions count. and also cos it's dumb to be disliked at the start cos it deters potential friendships with mutual acquaintances. normally it works if the person doesn't see me often enough - one can attribute occasional indifference to tiredness and stress.

but the shyness (or quietness) label sure is convenient - afterall how can you blame a person for being quiet and drifting off and talking to only a few pple in a grp when you know he's simply.. shy?

and i realise my group is uncovering me for the person i am. even tho i go for lunches most of the time w them despite preferring to swim or gym or meet other friends for lunch. i'm sure the girls figured out i dun really enjoy conversing much w them cos it's been a long while and it's tiring to maintain appearances la.

and i'm sure they got it when one of them caught me happily and animatedly conversing with another friend when i was being v grumpy and tired-looking prior to that in e grp.

can talk means can talk, cannot means cannot la! but i genuinely enjoy talking to one guy about soccer, hall, gaming, IT stuff and the other guy about badminton, dance, health and teaching in general tho.

it's q evident that they prefer to talk to me one-on-one during lunches abt topics they really care about (as opposed to hearing abt the girls telling 'funny' stories about their recent manicure) cos they are quite willing to enter a solitary bubble of conversation w me.

but i feel it's kinda bad at times to simply ignore the boring stories so i try to steer it back to the grp setting after awhile. and they're more politically correct and sensitive than me so normally they get it really fast. ohwells i dun mind bearing the brunt of the annoyed stares for them.

i dun really care, after all.