melancholy

the overwhelming sense of helplessness and loneliness hits out at you when you least expect it. everything seems insignificant during those moments and nothing seems to matter anymore. even the simplest tasks seem a chore, whilst necessary jobs feel unimportant. 

time slows to a trickle whilst the world continues to revolve underneath your feet; life around you doesn't cease with your momentary absence from it. slowly, you realise that wallowing in this state isn't going to change matters, however long you persist in it. no-one's gg to be truly concerned with it, nor any actions changed due to your inertia and self-pity. 

let's remain in this state for a few more moments, then pick yourself up from there - it's just another phase of life, you tell yourself. once again, you manage to convince yourself that doing what matters and changing the circumstances is necessary.

then you go out, seek success in what you aspire. the imperceptible losses chip away at your newfound armour of determination, slowly but surely, whilst the evident cases of failure leaves palpable dents in them. unavoidably and eventually, the armour shatters, exposing one's vulnerable self once again. 

and you feel the overwhelming sense of helplessness and loneliness.