evaluation

flag comm just had an evaluation exercise today. one side being categories like leadership, competency etc, with a rating scale of 1-5, the other side being for comments if necessary. was busy with my sch attachment and extremely tired after it, but travelled all the way to provide advice and assistance should they require any.

at the end they passed out the evaluation forms and i looked at the comments side. "can take charge and lead when required", "always give critical advice when everyone is lost", "able to connect well with everyone and offers constructive advice" etc. just as i expected.

then i looked at the points side. hmm.. communication skills being 4.2 and an average of 3.8 for the rest. quite decent, i thought. then i saw the points for ethel. average of 4.4 for everything. alright. i'd rank her 5 for virtually every category anyways if i had participated earlier. but then i noticed certain others (esp gals) getting averages of 4.0. and i seriously doubt the authenticity of their leadership and competency skills. they barely spoke during meetings and their paperwork was acceptable at best.

had a gruelling jog b4 mtg kelvyn for dinner; din want to spoil the mood as i was already having a perpetually annoyed expression. did not feel like talking abt it as i felt it would seem i was complaining abt a fact which 14 others had agreed on. but as the conversation ensued, it came out quite naturally.

ok it's quite natural for girls to buffer each other and prevent one another from getting low scores (in this case the lowest was 3), and the fact is that guys typically take score objectively - should i dislike someone immensely on a personal level but if he/she was capable, i wouldn't hesitate to put a 5.

thinking back, i guess it's a good thing i actually felt upset over it all. had i been indifferent, it would have showed just how little effort i had invested and how much i had sacrificed for the cause. the purpose of the evaluation was primarily meant to show one in which area his strengths and weaknesses lied, but it seems to me that the main outcome for some is that they'll feel somewhat discredited by it. as if all their hard work was not recognised.

of course one has to take into account that as an advisor, i consciously kept my opinions to myself until the last min so as to allow others to learn them themselves, or did things behind the scenes to facilitate issues. for now, let's just focus on my attachment and my other pressing issues for now. after i finish my script and the filming that is. then i'll be free from it till the 24th.