the comment

i had a conversation a few days back with 7 fellow female teachers and no fellow guys (dumb guys took the other table of 4). of which revolved around the fidelity of guys and what they should/should not do in a committed r/s.

obviously i wasn't v comfortable with some of the topics the sisterhood was discussing, and i think heidi/germ found it amusing that i was way less outspoken about my personal beliefs and actually said stuff contrary to what i often say to them. got 2 feminists what; sure must lie abit sometimes one.

they discussed about bfs/husbands not being supposed to meet up with female friends one on one, due to the fact that it may lead to temptation as well as giving the girl the impression that he's available. infact they were adamant that the gf/wife should be there at EVERY meetup and if not, the guy should meet the female friend in a group setting.

obviously i was v against this, even though i totally know where they're coming from. what if you have known the female friend for a damn long time and it's really quite platonic? and what if you knew her as an individual and not from a group setting?

so i infer from what they said that the bf is supposed to CREATE a group in which to meet the female friend even if they knew each other as individuals initially. or arrange for a date in which the gf and the female friend is both free (damn hard when u start working, trust me). or simply lose contact with someone whom u shared great conversations with for many years.

of course i have a strong opinion against this since i meet up with most of my male/female friends individually or in v small grps. except in the case of sports, boardgames, general meetups (flag, nie, uni) which are few and very occasional. so what, i'm supposed to gradually lose contact with most of my friends?

if you know me well you should know i'm not a very big fan of regular group meetups. i generally like the quiet predictability of the conversations and company offered in small meetups. i like the high amount of attention paid to every party. and i like the elimination of extraneous, face-value conversation paid to the other individuals in the group whom you couldn't care less about.

of course there are exceptions, which occur when the sum is bigger than the addition of all participants, where the conversation and company is really better in bigger groups. and i honestly only recall the me/linky/ginny group, the sec sch guys grp and maybe the Flag group.

maybe i'm insecure, maybe i really feel valued and wanted when someone doesn't mind meeting up with me, me alone for a nice chat and a meal, without the added incentive of the presence of a few other individuals. it's the old old inferiority complex at work i guess.

but i digress.

back to the cheating topic, i just feel that the best way to deal with it as a gf/wife is to just voice your expectations and views on the issue once, and thereafter trust the guy. if you have to constantly check on the guy's whereabouts, it really says something about the level of trust in the relationship, as well as the confidence in yourself and him.

and even if you manage to keep a tight leash on him on his after-work activities, what's to stop him from engaging in inappropriate behaviour in the workplace? he's at work, he states.

i know most will disagree with me, but its better to discover the other partners' cheating tendencies (if there are any) before marriage so you can dump the jerk for someone deserving. eventually he'll find ways to circumvent your tight control anyways if he wants to. and most importantly, if you constantly suspect your partner for doing things he isn't, there's a might-as-well tendency to simply do it.

ohwells but i know it's all very idealistic for me to say that. guys and girls will always hold different viewpoints of certain issues and it's important to be able to change / accomodate your actions and views (or at least appear to) to fit the other party's to maintain peace and harmony.

kaypoh again

was casually reading blogs since my school has effectively started its march hols - sports day is on fri later. and yeah i was reading up on that guy again.

even as this is my personal space, i believe one should not comment on things that he/she does not have the whole picture of.

but still, what's damn obvious is this: prevention is always better than cure. he would do well to remember that. if he gets the chance to cure the ailment, that is.

teaching (3rd week ended!)

ok i've been officially teaching classes for 3 weeks now. preparing lesson plans, slides, worksheets, test papers and constantly thinking on the walk to and fro school how best to handle certain students and maximise classroom discipline and efficiency through rules and routines respectively.

yes, i've really gotten into the hang of things, much more smoothly and better than i ever imagined. with more passion and enthusiasm than i ever gave myself credit for. i guess it's something i really love (for now, that is).

seeing the kids' understanding my lessons and enjoying them, being able to engage in short meaningful conversations with them along the corridor and knowing our private talks will go a long way into changing the way they think and act (for some cases), and the feeling that all u're doing is directly benefiting someone u can see.

it's with great pleasure that i say that i'm more than willing to give up my march hols just to go back to school so that i can plan and improve my lessons and prepare better assessments for my students. but of course not the whole week la.

teaching

it's been the 2nd week since i started school in Yuhua Secondary, and i've got to say it's been good thus far. the colleagues, the students (not all) and the helpful senior teachers.

of cos i've had some trying moments and times where i really felt like giving up and succumbing to rest but it's all as expected for a new career.

will give a more detailed update on all the various aspects sometime soon. hmm likely friday noon, cos i'm rushing work till 1am everyday after reaching home at ard 6pm and taking a 2hr break.

it's been very, very tiring. and talking and truly connecting with your students can be mentally draining at times, especially during the occasional lecturing.

for now, in times of trial, i always look to the 3 ideal traits i wish to exhibit, not to others but to myself. professionalism, passion and perserverance. it's served me well so far. and i, for the first time since i signed that contract 4 years back, really feel i'm cut out for the teaching profession.

let's hope things continue the way they are. looking forward to the march hols!

cny

ok this year's CNY was memorable in (just) a few areas:

1. Winning Eleven 2010

2. V-day

3. Abalone Noodles

1 - for those not in the know, WE2010 is a soccer game on the xbox/ps3 and which is the MAIN game for most guys. i have like a hundred games on the xbox360 and yet i spend 50% of my play time on that damn game. which is alot. and i know guys who do the same.

it's quite amusing playing even the com (5star difficulty is alr getting boring), what more human players? this CNY, my usual few challengers had a great time playing the game with me. and happily for my competitive self, they no longer posed a challenge to me. afterall, when i lose once in anything i care about, normally i hide and practice on it till i'm good.

2 - ah v-day. it's my 1st proper one and therefore i made sure it went well. i thought it went fine but i dunno if the gf thought so too. haaaa. anyways i folded roses since the gf commented that the flowers i gave her b4 were attracting insects. so there. and of course a nice card with my fastidiously neat handwriting. hehhh.

3. i went visiting to a rich relative's house on CNY Day 2. the seat covers, cushion covers and even the damn tablecloth was LV, the decor was tasteful and the furniture obviously expensive. i commented to the maid that i was hungry and would appreciate some instant noodles.

and she cooked this up for me:

there was a total of 6/7 gigantic abalone pieces inside, and i heard from mum that she gave me half the can of abalone. so generous right. this bowl of noodles potentially cost like 20 bucks la i think. i look forward to going back again next year.

tearing

is one thing which comes to me, albeit in small amounts, whenever i engage in certain thought patterns or recount certain experiences.

despite my evident ego, sometimes i really do hate myself. the way i handle things, the way i behave, the way i act, or even think. sometimes i really feel hypocritical for commenting on others, when i'm perpetrating something to a similar but lesser extent myself.

but how can you control what you think? logical and rational as i claim to be, sometimes i suspect if it's a front for justifying all the non-desirable behaviour i engage in. and trust me, i can make any of them sound justifiable, even as others may not deign to accept it initially.

that's why two things i consciously have changed gradually over the years is my sense of morality and threshold of "feeling bad over own actions". one is that i no longer see my decisions and actions as black or white, but simply in a gray region of ambiguity. another is that i've learnt not to kick myself too much over certain things i do, as long as it doesn't adversely affect others.

i guess everyone has their own way of handling their flaws such that their detrimental effects on one's life is minimised or even eliminated. it remains to be seen if my choice of solution is right.

similarities

noticed that 2 of my friends had been talking about the same thing. and to no surprise i agreed with their view. eh they're my closer friends what, of cos can't be that dissimilar right. haaaa.

from peilee's blog:

对人敏感，遇到另一个和我一样的人，总觉得不自在，不想输。
就如一山不能藏二虎 。
内心不断地在奋斗着。

i like, totally agree can. all the people i feel inadequate or uncomfortable around are those with similar abilities, personalities or viewpoints but to a higher/more capable extent. dislike would be too strong a word to use tho.

how can you dislike a person for qualities that u possess in abundance of? that would be like hating yourself. which is not a constructive thought btw.

over recent days, i've come to realise that being able to complement and appreciate each other's qualities can be superior to being v similar, esp in the long run. you may wish for someone's company simply because he/she resonates so well with you initially.

but i guess when the novelty wears off and you start being antagonised by the person in a v familiar manner (similar to what you normally do to antagonise pple), or simply engage in a subconscious battle for superiority, a different approach and accomodation has to be taken to allow the interaction to continue amicably.

and i realised i spent way too much time on non-constructive stuff today. must hand in my self-constructed test paper by tml! and a lesson presentation and essay by fri. omg i'm so behind schedule. but it does feel kinda exciting in a way too.

i thrive on it! ah ok, i procrastinate. back to work.

v-day plans

it has been a busy week indeed- i actually felt abit stressed (for once) over not being able to finish my work with a self-imposed level of quality.

yeah, normally i can afford to go out, do what i like and still get my job done decently. but i digress.

anyways i have finally gotten my v-day dinner plans settled! but of course i shall not divulge the location lest my gf gets wind of it. then not fun alr right.

but i was damn surprised to discover that this supposedly ideal place was so damn near to my JC! that time i never knew it existed la.

but then again, i never once contemplated spending more than $10 per meal back in those old days (exceptions like kuishinbo or marina bay buffet aside) in JC. my paltry allowance of $50/week simply din allow for it i guess. so it wasn't entirely surprising too.

anyways, it's a v hard process sourcing for an ideal v-day restaurant, even with easily available information through friends and food blogs and the such. reasons include:

1. the place has good food and ambience but is too expensive even normally (>$100/head)

2. the place has good food and ambience and v affordable ($70/head) but the damn alacarte menu is not available and the v-day meal is exorbitant.

3. the place has good food and ambience and v affordable (alacarte menu available) but the location is so outta the way that there's nth else worth checking out near there.

4. the place has good food and ambience and v affordable (alacarte menu available) and the location is not outta the way but it's fully booked.

yes of course i could cook myself and have a picnic somewhere but it'll be too much of a risk for such an important occasion. what if the food's horrible. what if the location is packed. what if it's raining. what if we get swarmed by insects. what if my hamster finishes my food before i set off.

you get the picture.

well i just want to play it safe to ensure the most wonderful experience possible for my wonderful gf. it is my sacred duty as a wonderful bf, after all. here's to a wonderful meal and a wonderful day on the 14th.

food and the native smurfs

today i realised my blog is full of boring words and sorely lacking in pictures. even as my readers are mostly intellectual, i have decided to insert PICTURES in this current post so as to freshen things up, for you and yours truly as well.

ok anyways i met up with the old friend (almost 2 yrs le) zhu awhile back (yeah i know i blog slow). wanted to bring the jap food fanatic to the place near hall (sakuraya) but realised it'll be too far from anything, so decided to introduce her to the more conveniently located Ichi Tei at sunshine plaza.

bentos are quite value for money and the sashimi decent too (zhu: sakuraya one more fresh). oh and it's near to the NAFA free art gallery so can drop by, pretend to be artsy and impress girls hahaha. i'm jesting.

mixed sashimi set! must try - nishin (herring w roe) sashimi which even SHE hadn't tried b4.

my salmon bento (tried my 2nd choice 2 days b4 so decided on this)

unagi bento (her's) - they make the teriyaki sauce themselves (v nice!)

oh and on the way we checked out the red mango yoghurt chain which we had read in the sunday Lifestyle about. looks nice right!

i kinda felt poor by then but felt like sitting down whilst waiting for Avatar 3D to start (watched the 2D one with friends le) so decided to go to Yakun. i really love eggs alot la (gf should know that fr the JB trip haha).

and we watched the native smurfs battle the mechwarriors in a movie which supposedly advocated some poorly-disguised save-the-forests message and which i am supposed to be more aware of the situation we're facing now in reality. but the reality is that i still dun care much, sadly.

to be very honest, i din really think the movie lived up to the hype or its billing as the top-grossing movie of all time. the character development and plot (which is damn impt to me) was mediocre at best, even though i have to agree that the general idea was believable and well-presented such that it had me immersed in the lush greenery and sights of Pandora for that 3 hrs.

ok i dun think you care much about my alternative opinion. i hoped you enjoyed the movie though.

reversal

ok i guess sometimes people tend to make assumptions after events have transpired, only to realise after awhile that they were simply reacting to their then current state of emotions and thoughts.

today i was having lunch with the clique, without the one member which displays nearly all the attributes i dislike.

and hor, i realised that i really enjoyed the conversation. no more of those recent laugh-out-loud-at-her-own-jokes-and-rest-chuckle-politely moments, nor those cases where the 2 girls just talked abt stuff where us guys can't grasp shit about.

it was just like b4 she joined the grp. a good conversation with the aim being more of updating and sharing than creating laugh-out-loud moments, the former of which means alot more to me.

i really felt most of my words coming out from my heart (figuratively la) as compared to just saying the right things w/o really caring about what i said. and i sincerely wished to listen to what they had to say too.

i conclude from many prior experiences that i just can't be bothered with superficial conversation (much more than others) should i already have known the person for a considerable time period. i have much better things to do nowadays.

maybe i need to change this aspect b4 i start teaching proper. but then again, I guess it'll be different with colleagues than it will with friends. i should just focus on doing the right thing and refrain from making others feel what others made me feel in the past.