sometimes when we touch

You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
In what you say or do
I'm only just beginning
To see the real you

(CHORUS)

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I want to hold you till I die
Till we both break down and cry
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through all the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
Im just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

(CHORUS)

At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly
At times I understand you
And I know how hard you try
I watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by
At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again

(CHORUS)

for some reason i'm v attached to this song - it's my most-played ever. applicable to many points in my life, i guess.

1st b-day celebration

after waking at 1630 cos slept at 0730 the same day, i set off to meet the old (sorry! need a convenient classification) flaggers for dinner at vivo.

little did i expect them to celebrate our (mingjun and I) b-day cos we haven't exactly been celebrating every b-day and it was quite some time from mine. but i did find it kinda weird when our tables were cleared and the waiters were looking at us conspiratorially and angel occasionally whispered to them.

and there came the cake! i was really damn happy can. haven't had a grp of pple singing happy b-day for me since dunno when. rmbr it was a marathon of individual meetups for my b-day celebrations last yr.

and 2007 was a surprise celebration by the same pple in my hall rm (they sneaked inside whilst i was at the toilet). then in 2006 was the block pple at the rooftop and a certain someone.

eh i really like those pple la. grp wise they're like nearly on par with my physics gang and just behind the sec sch pple. everyone has their own little individual quirks and personalities and it all comes together as a unique and cohesive whole.

i'm glad thye heng kinda coerced me to join flag 2 yrs back as an official member despite me just wanting to be an honorary one. and that led to me being an advisor for the coming flag team and knowing certain wonderful pple.

thanks dil for organising the meetup. i really feel damn loved la.

the emphatic victory

after rushing back from queensway from shopping w linky (yay new sportshoes and racket dampeners!) and with chicken wings from IKEA, i happily settled down to watch the man utd vs wigan match.

an unconvincing opening matchday win at Birmingham and a horrendous loss to Burnley their previous match did little to justify the statement from SAF that the loss of CR7 and Tevez would be made up for with higher workload from the existing players and the addition of Owen and Valencia.

the pundits (and me) put it down to lack of confidence after the loss of such big players and ManUtd's traditional slow start to the season. no worries, some hardcore fans said, but i had my doubts abt them regaining the title this time rd.

5th min: settled down after bathing, chicken wings in tow.

15th min: all 5 IKEA wings eaten up :)

16th min: wishing i'd bought more food

17th min: settled for a nice ribena drink cos i'm on a diet.

a tame (quite boring) first half with several half-chances on either side transpired, and i spent the 15min half-time interval doing up the overgrip on my spare racket as well as fixing up the dampeners. it's gonna be a dreary draw and they're gonna fall further behind in the title race, i sadly thought to myself. i was wrong.

56th min: GOAL! 1-0 to man utd. rooney headed into the top left corner from a nani corner. quite amazing considering he's only 1.75m and ManUtd are known for their pathetic (i feel) conversion rate from corners. but a slender lead's hard to protect, i thought.

58th min: GOAL! after a quick one-two with rooney outside the box, berbatov utilised his marvellous 1st touch, first lobbing Kirkland (keeper) then poking the ball into the empty net. nice! 2-0's a good scoreline, and they seem hungry for more.

65th min: GOAL! rooney received the ball inside the box (left) from berbatov, then proceeded for a shot on goal, scoring from a deflection off Melchiot whilst Kirkland stood rooted on the spot. so glad i'm watching this match - good stuff!

85th min: GOAL! Substitute Owen latched on to a through pass by Nani and shot with his weaker left foot, placing the ball off the right crossbar and into the net. marvellous effort by the injury-plagued england international which many deemed a has-been. really felt for him at this point; it's gg to go a long way in proving his critics wrong.

90th min: GOAL! i was alr v happy abt a 4-0 victory but this was the icing on the cake. after being awarded a free kick a long distance away from the goal, Nani readied himself to take it. ridiculous, i thought, you think u're CR7? and he shot. the ball sailed over the wall and curled away from the rooted (again!) keeper into the bottom left corner. WTF! i exclaimed.

having buried 3 ghosts (tt berbatov's workrate's lousy, owen can't score and there's no-one else to score from free-kicks), it was definitely a wonderful night for ManUtd and their legions of fans out there. happily, i warmed up my wonton noodles, ready for a good eat-read session b4 sleeping.

i know. shall work out later and go for a swim b4 ECP tml.

monetary issues

out of curiosity, i accessed my online bank account and pulled info from it to tabulate on an excel spreadsheet. and i was flabbergasted.

yes i know i've been a spendthrift the past 2 mths since getting my pay, as well as having to pay for my annual supply of contacts, a carpet, new chair and a new HP. but this was too much to believe.

it was almost a damn 80% of my pay! and as of this mth i'm alr at ard 1.2k. damnit. i really need to wake up my idea and start saving for my future. the taxi rides need to stop. the random meals at nice places need to stop. the furniture and book buying need to stop. the coaching needs to stop for awhile too.

i'm not exactly broke but at this rate of savings accumulation i'm not gg to be financially safe anytime soon. and even the word safe is relative. i'm afraid.

my plan is to draw 1k at the start of every mth, then budget myself at $200 a week, the excess $200 being for emergency reasons and placed in a compartment in my drawer - which hopefully will have more than $200 after a few mths.

first i need to start TRYING to spend as little as possible, even to the extent of scrimping. just to get the hang of spending less $. you can do it liangwei. you have to. you must.

sports days

did swimming with the cous last week at SAFRA jurong. despite 12 yrs of not having swum with him (took lessons with him all thru pri sch and NVR was close to beating him despite him just being one yr older), i fully expected to beat him in my our 50m freestyle battle. afterall my technique's q polished as compared to before, whilst he hasn't been swimming much since then.

well i was quite wrong. typically i like to stay on par with the opponent till ard 25m, then pull away after that. so i was quite surprised when i had to push myself to nearly my limits just to keep up initially. he so fast one meh! i thought.

ok maybe the fact that i kept peeking at my left to check for his progress instead of just swimming properly hindered me but the fact remains that i'm not really tt much better, even if so.

ok it ended with him stopping abt 10m away from the endpt in fatigue and me stopping similarly when i saw it, so there was no outcome. either way, i lose, i feel. hahaha. but it's ok - i'm far from being the competitive person i was long ago.

next was peilee and the badminton session. having totally outshone me in our 5 on 5 match at the local basketball court (i'm horrible at b-ball and she's what, sch team?), i thought that it'd be a good way to salvage some pride, but no, for some reason she was doing alot better than the last time we played and i would have gotten skinned if i hadn't played abit more seriously. sigh.

hmm for some reason, just like i admire pple who can do sports at a high level or are simply gifted with athleticism, i can't but not have alot of respect for pple who simply doesn't care or aren't good in that area. well, it's just me i guess. everyone is entitled to his/her little quirks.

missing someone

i kinda miss having her ard to irritate me.

3 more days of boredom (quite). come back soon.

greedy

i think i'm getting fat la. had the double fillet + shaker fries upsized meal 3 nights in a row for supper. love the damn shaker fries la!

even requested for extra seasoning to sprinkle on my fillet. how unhealthy can. hahaha.

i better go for a good workout/swim or a tennis session soon. lest i cannot fit into all my clothes. and oh i'm getting fair. shall tan and swim tml after lessons! :)

overcompensating

J commented during supper tt i gave her the impression i was over-confident and arrogant. very bluntly. from her 1st impression, and esp after reading my blog posts. (said pris: u gave her the blog add b4 she knew u well right?)

but i really appreciated that frank comment. it caused me to ponder, made me contemplate my actions, the conversations and mannerisms. esp towards the pple whom i've known lately, over the past few yrs.

on a long (self-imposed, cos i always like to emo outside) walk home, the thoughts ran thru my mind. rapidly in a jumble, then it came to a slow halt, becoming sufficiently organised as to be analysed and understood.

i guess i was v affected cos i felt misunderstood. it's the other way round, in fact. i wasn't joking when i commented to her abt my shyness, quietness, and my inferiority complex. it's just that i decided to focus more on my strengths (what little of it) and less on my weaknesses in the process of improving myself.

and felt that there was no pt showing others my weak and insecure side. it's not that they can help me, anyways, and everyone wants to be with a positive, fun person.

i was really sick of being self-pitying yrs ago - knew i wasn't not talented in anything in particular.. but it's not as if i din try to be the best i could be in some areas.

at the very least, i should be proud of myself for.. simply trying. perservering despite my limitations and other's disparaging comments.

i tried to appear confident despite my inner insecurities.

and i overcompensated. she did well in reminding me of that fact.

getting paid $120/hr

NIE starts this week, and i've heard from my mentors and senior teachers that it'll be the happiest period in one's life b4 entering the workforce proper. mostly due to the fact that the timetable's damn slack and the grades dun seriously matter in one's posting or career progression (unless u fail, of cos). somemore u get paid! like close to 3k :)

basically for the next 10 mths, it'll be 3 mths of theory stuff at NIE, 6 weeks of hols (woohoo!), 9 weeks of practicum (where i'll be assessed) at a random sch, then roughly 3 more weeks of theory in NIE.

oh and for an idea of how slack i'm gonna be for the next 3 mths.. above is my timetable. starts at 0830 and ends at 1930 btw. mum mentioned that it seems pretty packed considering how smug i was, and furthermore i have to study in my free time.

however, as i'm exempted from content upgrading (having done well in my teaching subjects), i dun have to go for the lessons. so effectively for this mth, the pink and yellow slots are non-existent. so that leaves monday free and 2hrs each from tue-fri. but wait! fri's lessons only start in sep. so i have another free day on fri! like how slack can.

resuming weekly tennis/bowling lessons, starting on guitar tml and entering random stuff organised by my new fave organisation to learn things and know new pple. ask me out, anyone.

fleety

linky was commenting that my blog entries were v emo, touching on f/s and r/s and such. and i retorted that i thought they were mostly happy entries describing my daily events and happenings, but that my friendster blog (from a few yrs back) does show up my v vulnerable side tho.

anyways i passed that blog add to belle cos i wanted to continue to talk abt her here w/o fear of reprisal (haha!). she actually read everything la. but i guess i'll be giving her this actual one soon so i shall have to refrain from bitching too much here. or maybe i shall. and simply edit/delete the incriminating posts then. hahaha.

hmm so far it's gg good.. but i'm of the opinion that one shouldn't allow feelings to overrule the rational side until after the 5th date (it's later, btw). afterall, u've got to see whether the personality and qualities she has are what u're looking for, and it's impt to judge objectively at times, esp given tt it's likely a long term thing this time.

of cos it doesn't necessarily guarantee success, just a higher chance of it occuring, but allowing feelings to just dictate the flow is too capricious an act i feel. no longer young le, cannot waste time testing and hoping for the best.

anyways i'm seriously considering joining SDU activities, of which they've been sending me notifications of events given that i'm a member (auto, cos graduate le). the courses are heavily subsidised and the one day events (road race, eating marathons, photography workshop) seem really fun and enriching.

another reason is tt i need new friends. too many friends are getting attached and leaving me less time. and some seemingly stayer-friends are also drifting away, slowly but surely. it's a sad thing. new activity partners would be great too, so i dun have to depend on the same few pple for certain stuff.

i'm sure it's not tt hard to find pple out there with the same vibe as me.