the comment

i had a conversation a few days back with 7 fellow female teachers and no fellow guys (dumb guys took the other table of 4). of which revolved around the fidelity of guys and what they should/should not do in a committed r/s.

obviously i wasn't v comfortable with some of the topics the sisterhood was discussing, and i think heidi/germ found it amusing that i was way less outspoken about my personal beliefs and actually said stuff contrary to what i often say to them. got 2 feminists what; sure must lie abit sometimes one.

they discussed about bfs/husbands not being supposed to meet up with female friends one on one, due to the fact that it may lead to temptation as well as giving the girl the impression that he's available. infact they were adamant that the gf/wife should be there at EVERY meetup and if not, the guy should meet the female friend in a group setting.

obviously i was v against this, even though i totally know where they're coming from. what if you have known the female friend for a damn long time and it's really quite platonic? and what if you knew her as an individual and not from a group setting?

so i infer from what they said that the bf is supposed to CREATE a group in which to meet the female friend even if they knew each other as individuals initially. or arrange for a date in which the gf and the female friend is both free (damn hard when u start working, trust me). or simply lose contact with someone whom u shared great conversations with for many years.

of course i have a strong opinion against this since i meet up with most of my male/female friends individually or in v small grps. except in the case of sports, boardgames, general meetups (flag, nie, uni) which are few and very occasional. so what, i'm supposed to gradually lose contact with most of my friends?

if you know me well you should know i'm not a very big fan of regular group meetups. i generally like the quiet predictability of the conversations and company offered in small meetups. i like the high amount of attention paid to every party. and i like the elimination of extraneous, face-value conversation paid to the other individuals in the group whom you couldn't care less about.

of course there are exceptions, which occur when the sum is bigger than the addition of all participants, where the conversation and company is really better in bigger groups. and i honestly only recall the me/linky/ginny group, the sec sch guys grp and maybe the Flag group.

maybe i'm insecure, maybe i really feel valued and wanted when someone doesn't mind meeting up with me, me alone for a nice chat and a meal, without the added incentive of the presence of a few other individuals. it's the old old inferiority complex at work i guess.

but i digress.

back to the cheating topic, i just feel that the best way to deal with it as a gf/wife is to just voice your expectations and views on the issue once, and thereafter trust the guy. if you have to constantly check on the guy's whereabouts, it really says something about the level of trust in the relationship, as well as the confidence in yourself and him.

and even if you manage to keep a tight leash on him on his after-work activities, what's to stop him from engaging in inappropriate behaviour in the workplace? he's at work, he states.

i know most will disagree with me, but its better to discover the other partners' cheating tendencies (if there are any) before marriage so you can dump the jerk for someone deserving. eventually he'll find ways to circumvent your tight control anyways if he wants to. and most importantly, if you constantly suspect your partner for doing things he isn't, there's a might-as-well tendency to simply do it.

ohwells but i know it's all very idealistic for me to say that. guys and girls will always hold different viewpoints of certain issues and it's important to be able to change / accomodate your actions and views (or at least appear to) to fit the other party's to maintain peace and harmony.